


Playing With Fire

by QuietContender



Series: Boston Romance [5]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, F/F, Insecurity, Jealousy, Male-Female Friendship, Original Character(s), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, POV Third Person, Season/Series 03, Temptation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-13
Updated: 2012-07-13
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:20:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietContender/pseuds/QuietContender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Jane and Maura prepare for their coming out party, their relationship is put through the ultimate test as temptation comes between them. A character from Maura's past and Jane's own growing insecurities prove to be a dangerous combination that leads to a shocking conclusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> By now, you really should know the spiel. Originally posted on ff.net. This story, like the others, has been updated and edited with new material, so if you've read the original, feel free to reread this version. As always, have as much fun reading as I did writing.

“I don’t know about this, Maura,” Jane Rizzoli muttered with apprehension as she caught an image of herself in the full length mirror of the opulent fitting room. As she moved slightly in the long black sleeveless gown, her glove covered hands continued to play at the small elegant bow tied around her chest. A slight breeze of cool air upon Jane’s bare shoulders caused an unexpected shiver to ripple through her slim frame but this reaction was partly because of the unfamiliar vision of her own femininity reflected in the mirror. Jane had never worn a dress this luxurious.

Jane turned to Maura’s eager face, eyebrows raised. “I look stupid wearing something like this.”

“What are you talking about?” Maura replied, shaking her head in amazement. “No matter how many times I repeat how gorgeous you are, you just don’t get it.” With long strides, Maura moved from the mountain of clothes their shopping assistant had carefully hung up to embrace her. “Jane. You are the most gorgeous creature, beauty personified. Anything you put on will look utterly magnificent and far from stupid, lover.”

A shocked sigh forced itself from Jane’s lips as Maura’s hands travelled up from her waist, playfully fixing the bow at her chest while managing to tease her exposed skin. Against her will, she moved against Maura, trying in vain to find any kind of contact but the effort resulted in failure. Maura’s hands continued to allude where she most wanted them.

“Maura…” Jane growled in warning. In concern, her eyes flitted toward the closed dressing room door where their assistant had left.

Smiling against Jane’s neck, Maura lowered her hands, giving her girlfriend some much needed relief. Jane saw the blonde’s playful hazel eyes staring back at her from the mirror. “And you say I get worked up easily?” Maura asked flirtatiously.

Jane rolled her eyes, smirking at Maura’s smugness. “Shut-up. I already feel weird having to go to our coming-out party wearing this. Can’t we just have it at the house? Your family, my family, couple of friends, ranch dip, and some chips. Now that’s a party. We don’t need all this pomp and bullshit.”

Maura frowned. “How many times have I told you? Mother has been planning this party for months. I think she’s looking forward to this announcement more than we are, I’ve been talking about it for so long.” Releasing Jane, Maura sat down on the small couch, ignoring the taller woman’s puppy-dog eyes. “Stop giving me that look. We talked about this, several times. You’re way too busy being Wonder Woman to plan a party and I’ve never been as good as my mother when it comes to planning the type of formal get-together Mother would expect.”

“And that’s my point,” Jane exclaimed. “Why does our relationship have to turn into such a spectacle?”

“It’s not a spectacle to put effort into your appearance for once.”

“Constance is making us wear white-tie, Maura. Telling everyone that we’re together shouldn’t require a dress code. Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but this is _our_ business, not hers. Your mother should respect that. I mean, c’mon, honey. She’s having it at her house, for god’s sakes. It might as well be _her_ party that we just _happened_ to get an invite to.”

“She does respect us. This is just…” Maura broke off, looking down at her fidgeting hands. “This is just her way of getting back involved with my life. Yes, maybe I should have reined her in a little bit when it came to her insisting the party be white-tie, but she seemed so happy to help out that I couldn’t bear to tell her that not everyone owns a tailcoat. But, on a positive note, she got my dad to agree to come back early from his zoological expedition of the _Pan paniscus_ in the Congo.”

Jane’s face crinkled in confusion. “Pan paniwhat? Isn’t your father a professor? What’s he doing in the Congo?” she asked dismissively, her mind focusing on how to take off the beautiful gown.

Maura stood up from her seat to stop Jane’s aggressive movements. She extended her hands to help the impatient woman shed the dress from her body.

“The _Pan paniscus_ , sweetheart,” Jane’s blank look of confusion gave the blonde slight pause before continuing, “Oh…I’m sorry. I keep forgetting that Latin wasn’t a mandatory course for most children. It’s the bonobo, a smaller relative of the chimpanzee. My father is a professor, but he frequently likes to go on sabbatical to do in-field research. He prefers research over his professorial duties, but his tenure requires him to teach a couple of upper-level classes on occasion. That’s actually how he met my mother. She saw him sketching some gorillas on a napkin and fell in love with his ‘little doodles’ as she called them. I can’t believe I’ve never told you that before. I bet I did and you just weren’t listening. You never listen to me.”

“For someone so reserved, Constance sounds awfully romantic,” Jane muttered. “I can’t wait to meet him. If he’s anything like you, though, I might regret that sentiment.” Her thought interrupted by Maura’s playful tug of her long brown locks, releasing a yip of surprise from the taller woman. “Hey! Play nice. I was just thinking out loud.”

“Well don’t. Remember last time you thought out loud? You said I couldn’t do that _thing_ with my tongue and I promptly proved you wrong, multiple times? Do you really want that to happen again, Jane?” Maura asked with mock seriousness, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

With Maura’s help, the dress fell from the other woman’s body. Jane breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped out of its expensive confines, allowing Maura to start hanging the dress back up. “Huh…well, if we’re going to go there with it… Do you want me to send everyone on your mailing list that video of you at the Christmas party last year looking _very_ undoctorly? Because, last time I checked, dancing on tables with a glass of eggnog while singing Madonna’s ‘Deeper and Deeper’ and ‘Into The Groove’ off-key in every conceivable way isn’t something a doctor would like others to see.”

Maura whipped her head away from her task, annoyance plainly evident on her face as Jane winked playfully.

“I told you to delete that.”

“How could I? Watching you live out your college Spring Break dreams over and over again is just too much fun,” Jane said, taking off the matching gloves and throwing them at her girlfriend. “Am I done trying on clothes? We’ve been here all day, Maura. I’m hungry. I didn’t get to eat breakfast because a certain nerd insisted on getting some early morning sex in.” Grabbing her ratty old jeans and threadbare t-shirt, Jane started to redress. “Listen, Maura, I don’t have a problem with your newfound sexuality but c’mon. Give a girl a break. If you keep insisting on making love with the rise of the sun, you’re going to have to let me buy some Pop-Tarts or Toaster Strudel for the house. I’m running on empty here.”

Before Maura could give a witty reply, the two women were interrupted by the unobtrusive cough of Bradley, Maura’s personal shopping assistant. Jane immediately stepped between him and her girlfriend.

The small man was hardly rude, but Jane still found him a little disconcerting. He seemed to be studying for the role of a ghost. Everything he did was just enough to be considered helpful yet still completely inhuman.

Despite her own personal issues with the assistant, Maura obviously saw something in Bradley since every time she requested new clothes and shoes from the top designers he would insist on making himself available for her fitting. His pink and lime-green polka-dot collared shirt seemed to insist that he was gay, but Jane still felt the familiar twangs of jealousy brewing in the deepest realms of her soul.

As of late, this was becoming a running problem. Jane knew that Maura loved her yet she couldn’t stop the niggling in her heart telling her to be on the look-out for a threat that was surely lurking on the horizon. Anything and everything was proving to fit that description, including a man that was half her height and probably liked other men.

Jane just couldn’t understand it. A woman as perfect as Maura could be with anyone yet the fact that she had chosen to be with her – the eldest daughter of an Italian plumber – seemed to be the stuff of Disney movies. It seemed improbable especially after all of the growing pains they had experienced over the last year.

Normally, Jane would have addressed her insecurities to her girlfriend during one of their weekly dates. These dates were usually held in quiet, intimate settings in order to encourage crucial discussion between them. With their mutually hectic schedules, they reveled in having alone time to talk about whatever was on their minds that didn’t include dead bodies, BPD, or mysteries.

Jane had thought she knew Maura fairly well, but after learning that she was the mascot for her boarding school for four years, she realized that she didn’t really know that much about the woman. Making it her main objective to learn everything about her girlfriend, Jane worked that much harder during the week to ensure that her schedule was free for their time together.

But if there was one thing Jane had learned about Maura, it was that they weren’t really all that different. Of course, when it came to the finer points of their characters, they were like night and day – Maura had an obsession with changing the sheets after they had sex, even if she just changed them – but, when it came to the big things, they were always in agreement. That’s what made them such great friends and great lovers.

But their connection to each other was also what made discussing her problems so much more difficult. If Maura told her that she was jealous of Frost because he shared an intimacy with Jane that she would never be able to grasp, Jane would hardly have taken it seriously. On the flip side, if Maura was flippant with her feelings… She didn’t think she would be able to take it. In order to keep her pride intact, for now, Jane repressed her insecurities or attempted to, at least.

Returning her focus back to the well-dressed man chatting with Maura, Jane eyed the gown she had tried on, now in the man’s hands. “How much does that dress cost? I’m only prepared to spend $300. Any more and I’ll have to come back once I’ve cashed in a couple of nonexistent bonds.”

Bradley’s eyebrows shot up in confusion as he looked between Maura and Jane apprehensively. “Well…this particular piece is a signature evening gown from the Ralph Lauren Fall collection. All pieces are custom fitted to the wearer so that is an extra surcharge…” Grabbing a small note-pad with numbers and scribbles inside, the assistant began tallying up the numbers. “Because of your slim figure, we won’t have to get excessive with the tailoring cost. In total – including the fitting, dress, accessories, and those magnificient Ferragamos – the price will come up to $3865.78, give or take with sales tax.”

Jane’s eyes nearly shot out of her head in surprise as he turned back to Maura with a frown.

“But I was under the impression she was your guest, Maura. If Ms. Rizzoli isn’t your guest, we’ll have to do some…paperwork before she can purchase. We’ve been having problems with people buying pieces and trying to return them like this is,” the small man shuddered slightly, “Target. I thought everyone knew that you can’t return a custom fitted Marc Jacobs jacket from _last season_. If that was the case I’d be returning my lime-green and fuchsia skinnys as soon as fall hits.”

“Oh, be nice. Jane’s with me, Bradley. She’s just not used to letting someone else take care of her for a change,” Maura said happily, poking Jane slightly to encourage her to close her mouth. “Put the dress along with all of the trimmings on my tab along with the Oscar de la Renta and those fabulous Giuseppe Zanottis. God knows I don’t need any more shoes but-”

“You can never have enough shoes,” he interrupted with a smile, taking the long gown toward a small keeper rack where a shiny silver gown also resided. “Did you like the Zac Posen trousers? The pinstripe hasn’t been selling as well as the tweed but I think that’s just because everyone is getting tired of wearing black for fall.”

Jane saw the look of brimming excitement on Maura’s face and frowned. “No, no, no. Please, Maura. You said we could go to dinner after we tried on this last gown.”

“And we will,” Maura began, “ _after_ you try on this last thing. Then we’ll go and pick something up dinner. I know how much of a distraction I can be so I’ll go wait outside.”

With a beaming smile, Maura exited the dressing room just as Jane’s balled up t-shirt flew toward her head, barely managing to miss her head. She laughed as the telltale squeal of her girlfriend’s annoyance echoed from inside the dressing room, presumably in response to Bradley’s unexpected poking and prodding. Jane hated being fitted more than she hated trying on clothes.

Leaning back against the wall of the dressing room, Maura lifted her hand to trace the smile that had hardly left her face in the last couple of months. It had been far too long for her to remember being this…happy? No, that was not the right word. The feeling was closer to contentment.

Maura had finally met her one and only, someone just for her, a soulmate.

Maura’s mother had taught her the importance of meeting someone special. Constance had never directly stated it to her as a child, but seeing how happy her mother was around her father had left an impression on Maura’s young mind.

As a child, Maura had hated the love her mother had for her father because it frequently reaffirmed her own status as the third wheel orphan taken in by the rich couple with no child of their own. It was unbelievably hard to grow up feeling as if she didn’t belong in the only family she had ever known. All of the achievements Maura had gained in her life were just lame attempts to fill the hole in her heart that had been growing since her childhood. Gold stars, diplomas, trophies… Yet none of those things could come close to the perfection of being with Jane.

“Maura?” a familiar masculine voice asked, bringing Maura out of her thoughts. “Is that you? What are you doing here?”

The smile now gone, Maura looked up in surprise to see Lt. Col. Elias MacFarlane, the same man who had unwittingly caused Jane to admit her love for Maura. Despite his unwitting role in their relationship, Jane had never met nor showed any real interest in meeting him but Maura had always wondered what had happened to the charming man with the shocking auburn hair.

Jane temporarily forgotten, her eyes took in the still magnificent countenance of Elias MacFarlane. It had been more than half a year since she had seen him last but his bright blue eyes still flashed with the same boyish exuberance. The same reckless fetlock of red hair continued to wreak havoc upon his face yet, like always, Elias seemed unfazed as he stood before Maura with a pleasant smile. Despite the similarities, however, there was something different about the man’s attitude that perked Maura’s interest.

“Elias…wow, it’s been awhile. Jane and I are buying some evening wear for a formal get-together,” Maura replied, standing up away from the wall. “What are you doing here?”

Elias looked away briefly before moving the large suit-bag to his other shoulder, revealing his expensive slacks and striped Benetton shirt. “My…father died unexpectedly, leaving me to deal with his estate,” he said bitterly while his eyes roamed over Maura’s body, instinctually bringing a flush to her cheeks. “You’re still wonderfully beautiful, I see. No woman could ever compare.”

“Stop it,” Maura muttered bashfully.

As her eyes searched his, Maura knew what was different. Underneath Elias’s boyish charisma was a sadness that rang familiar. Seeing the normally proud and confident lieutenant in such misery brought a pang of empathy followed by an irrational want – no, need – to eliminate that sadness. An ache that had been lying dormant began to blossom in Maura’s heart, fertilized by their shared understanding of loneliness.

After Jane had been sent to the hospital for a second time and all of the events that soon followed, she had little time to deal with her budding attraction for Elias. Jane had told Maura that she loved her. Her attraction to him hardly seemed relevant given the improbability of the young man coming back into her life yet here he was, stirring up the stew of emotions she’d happily forgotten about.

Unexpectedly, a muffled scream echoed from the dressing room behind Maura, “God, damn it! Enough is enough. There’s no need for you to be sticking a ruler, speculum, or whatever that cold thingis up in that general area,” Jane shouted, following a loud thump sound. “Back off little gay boy or I’m going to charge you with harassment or attempted rape.”

The spell broken, Maura and Elias looked at the closed door of the fitting room in confusion.

With a small chuckle, Elias smiled before shifting his bag back onto his other shoulder with ease. “Sounds like Jane is breaking her shopping assistant virginity. Good for her. We all go through it at some point,” he muttered sarcastically while checking his Rolex. “Well, look at the time… Me and my freshly bought suit are late for yet another appointment with my father’s endless brigade of lawyers. It was really good to see you, Maura.” Moving into her personal space, Elias lifted the blonde’s hand to give her palm a brief kiss. Heat pooled into Maura’s hand in response but before she had a chance to understand her reaction, Elias turned to leave.

_Please stay. I can’t bear to see someone walk off in such pain, especially if I could have helped in some way to ease it. Don’t go…_

“Wait!” Maura exclaimed, reaching her hand out to stop Elias’s movements to leave. “If you…need someone to talk to, about anything, you can call me. Here,” she rummaged in her Birkin, pulling out a small piece of cardstock, “take my card. It has my number. Feel free to…you know, call me if you need someone to talk to. Or you could just stop by the morgue like last time.”

“Thank you, Maura,” he said bashfully with a small smile, pushing his wayward tuft of auburn hair out of his face.

But before she could wave him off, Jane’s half-naked body exploded from the fitting room. Despite her black bra nearly falling off her shoulders, Jane’s focus was elsewhere. The detective’s crazed eyes searched for Maura in desperation, hardly noticing Elias walk away.

“We’re done,” Jane stated simply while zipping up her ratty jeans, glaring at Bradley’s smirking face as he left the dressing room. The tension between the two of them was plainly obvious and Maura made a mental note to ask the annoyed woman what had happened after giving her plenty of time to cool off. Rolling her eyes, she moved to pay for the items with Bradley, the shopping assistant, closely following behind on her heels with their purchases in hand. With the brunette in such a pissy mood, Maura was free to focus on her thoughts concerning the reintroduction of Elias MacFarlane in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun had long since set into dusk as the couple watched the Pilgrims continue their six game losing streak on Jane’s small television in her even smaller apartment. As much as Maura would have preferred spending the rest of the evening at her own home, she acknowledged Jane’s want to have one last hurrah in her bachelorette pad.

Jane had decided to move in with Maura officially following their announcement party and for one Maura was glad that her girlfriend wanted to move so fast with their relationship. They had been in neutral for some time now; it was time to speed things up a little.

Given the quickly approaching date of the party and Jane’s own issues with proper organization, most of Jane’s belongings had already been carefully moved to Maura’s place with little problem. After dealing with a never-ending assortment of lesbian jokes involving U-Hauls, they had managed to decide what was necessary and what was extraneous which Jane had insisted on making _extremely_ time-consuming.

No matter how much logic she threw at her, Jane kept insisting on bringing random things that there was no room for, such as her ratty couch. The thing smelled like old cheese and mothballs yet she couldn’t let it go. Bass’s bedroom had become a reluctant stowaway location for Jane’s boxing dummy and other athletic gear – Jane still couldn’t believe Bass had his own room for some reason – but there was no rhyme or reason to finding room for a fifty year old couch. They had each refused to budge on the couch’s future home, so the large, musty mass of lumpiness was forced to stay in the apartment until a decision could be reached.

Maura was glad that they had decided to leave the couch here for a while longer because it gave them a place to cuddle that wasn’t the floor or the bed. To Jane, as long as there was a soft place to put her head and a blanket to hog, she was happy. Besides the couch and the bed, the only things still remaining in the apartment were the boxes of kitchenware, miscellaneous clothes, and the television. Soon even this would be gone, replaced with someone else’s memoirs and dreams.

“Maubie, you done eating the sashimi? I’ll trade you some of my California rolls for your leftovers. I’m not feeling the crab tonight. The Pilgrims embarrassing themselves always ruins my appetite.” Jane hung her head in shame before trying to grab the slivers of sashimi off of Maura’s tray, earning her a hard poke in the ribs. “Oww, you poked me in the scar tissue…That was kind of mean. You need to learn how to share.”

Maura raised an eyebrow at Jane’s flirtatious tone, the mood quickly moving toward something far less innocent. She welcomed the distraction given everything that had occurred with Elias earlier.

“Will you teach me?” Maura whispered, moving back against the couch in expectation. Her want for sashimi forgotten, Jane placed her half-empty tray on the table to pursue the beautiful woman waiting for her.

“I do owe you for spending a small fortune on that dress,” Jane muttered against Maura’s neck, flicking her playful tongue to taste the minute beads of sweat beginning to form, “but you did leave me trapped in a room with the Queen of the Queens so I think we’re about even. Maybe,” her hands reached lower to methodically unbutton each individual golden button on Maura’s charmeuse blouse, “I should just let you figure out the importance of sharing for yourself.”

Maura frowned, grabbing Jane by her shirt, stilling her movements. “What did Bradley say to you anyway?”

Jane sighed. “He asked if I was seeing anyone of the female variety because I,” her voice rose to an exaggerated facsimile of the shopping assistant’s voice, “‘gave off a gay vibe.’ Do you think I give off a gay vibe? I’m not exactly walking around in rainbow Birkenstocks proclaiming my love for softball and ‘The L Word’ reruns.”

“Honey?” Maura asked softly as her mind again returned to the auburn haired man that had been haunting, plaguing her with his image.

“Hmm?”

“Promise me…” Maura whimpered, shuddering with tears that threatened to fall. “Promise me you’ll never leave me. Please…tell me you love me.”

Slightly taken aback at her girlfriend’s sudden display of emotion, Jane smiled with glassy eyes. “They’ll have to pry my dead hands away,” she pleaded, wanting desperately to convince the unconvinced blonde. “I love you with all of my heart, my entire being. Nothing could ever change that, ever.”

“I love you too. Always, forever, endlessly,” she chanted in a whispered prayer, needing to hear the words from her own lips.

A choked moan rose from Maura’s throat, echoing through the small apartment. Jane silenced the cry with her lips, suppressing her own insecurities with love she was all too ready to give. The meeting of their bodies brought the unfamiliar taste of avacado comingled with the sweet familiarity of reconnecting. Their tongues dueled against each other but, unlike their usual battles, Maura submitted readily. Tonight, Maura did not want to fight; she wanted to give in and forget. With shaking hands, Jane released her from the blouse and as the long brown locks descended, Maura quickly got her wish.

\---

The rows of light working their way past the closed blinds of Jane’s bedroom woke the relaxed brunette up from a pleasant slumber. As she moved slightly from the cocoon of tussled sheets, the naked woman latched possessively to her body whimpered before grasping her tighter, removing Jane’s ability to move. Looking over at the clock and seeing that they still had a couple of minutes before they had to get ready for work, Jane gazed longingly at Maura’s perfectly beautiful body.

After their initial bout on the couch, they had bumped and stumbled along to her bedroom to continue onward throughout the night. Maura had been simply insatiable, burning in an all-consumable inferno of passion. These sex-crazed moods were hardly unfamiliar to the detective, but they rarely just happened out of the blue. Occasionally, when they’d been apart for several weeks, Maura would get this way but Jane had no idea what had caused it this time. With their announcement party coming up and the chaos that came with moving in, they had been spending seemingly every waking moment together. It hardly made sense for Maura to be feeling such a strong need to reconnect with her.

Never had Jane seen such need for confirmation of their love from Maura. Constantly saying what was obvious never appealed to Jane in relationships and being with Maura hardly changed that philosophy. But…something about seeing the blonde literally shut down into tears with each repetition of three small words made Jane consider rethinking that belief. Hearing Maura say “I love you,” made all of the niggling insecurities in her heart subside into unimportance. She loved Maura just as much as Maura loved her. Nothing could ever get in the way of that.

Suddenly, a small voice grabbed Jane’s attention away from her thoughts.

“Jeddy,” Maura mumbled in her sleep against Jane’s toned stomach. “You can have the Moon-Pies, but only if you share them with Elias…he doesn’t have…any…”

Eyes narrowed in annoyance, Jane’s fingers stopped linking the freckles on Maura’s arm as her blissful happiness crumbled away. She was stunned by the odd assortment of confusion, hurt, and jealousy building in her heart. To think Maura was thinking of someone else while in bed with her…never had she felt so much pain. With just one name, all of her insecurities came back like a deadly form of cancer, rapidly killing everything it touched. Jane knew it was only a matter of time until Maura would wake up and leave her for someone else. Someone like him, someone like Elias.

Jane had never met the young man who had helped Maura get her to the hospital after she had reopened her stitches last summer. There was simply no need to. She didn’t remember much from that night but the image of seeing her best friend getting cozy with another man was enough to push Jane to admit her love for Maura. If it wasn’t for Elias…Jane might not have told Maura how she felt, but being thankful didn’t mean she was blind. Elias was a threat to her relationship.

And with that realization, one penultimate question presented itself. Why would Maura even be thinking about Elias in her sleep?

In response to the negative thoughts running rampant in her mind, Jane’s hands tightened against Maura, her teeth clenching and grinding subconsciously in frustration. She wanted nothing more but to find something, anything to rid herself of the fear that her lover was being stolen from her. Instead of acting on those desires, Jane sat in expectation as she felt Maura’s body twitch against hers, signifying her impending wake.

Jane marveled unhurriedly at Maura’s unfocused hazel eyes fluttering open. Her hands move subconsciously, pushing the waves of sun-kissed blonde hair from Maura’s smiling face.

“Hey,” Maura whispered sleepily, stretching out her entire body. “I missed you.”

Oh god, Jane thought in misery. She tried to cover her pain with a weak attempt at a laugh. “How could you miss something that hasn’t gone anywhere? You’ve got me wrapped up so tight, I couldn’t have left even if I had tried.”

“You know how much I love to keep you close when we sleep together. It makes me feel safe.” Lifting her upper body away from Jane’s trim frame, Maura frowned. “What’s wrong? You’ve got that gumshoe look.”

In embarrassment, Jane looked away at the bedside clock. As much as Jane wanted to talk to Maura about Elias, now wasn’t the time. They had to be in work in an hour, Maura was just waking up, and god knows she had no intention to start a potential argument on her last morning in the apartment. She would just have to wait.

“What? No, nothing. God, look at the time… We’re going to be late.”

With a level of speed that was nothing short of fantastic, Maura straddled the taller woman’s midriff. There was no use struggling against her; Maura was much stronger than she looked. Jane’s heart clenched with worry. _Damn it._

“Jane, tell me,” Maura whispered against Jane’s lips, teasing her into submission. “What’s going on?”

Jane groaned in frustration. “What makes you think something is going on?”

“Your pupils are dilated, your muscles are tense, and you have goosebumps. Tell me.”

Talking could wait. Jane seized the other woman’s lips in an effort to give her some much needed time to come up with a way to tell Maura tactfully about her feelings.

Jane released Maura’s lips with a sight frown. “I know that I’m not the best woman in the world to try and maintain a friendship with. And I know damn sure that I’m not the best at relationships either but,” her voice cracked as a sudden bout of dry throat made it difficult to talk, “I need to know that you aren’t fooling around with me. You mean a lot to me and… Well, what I’m trying to say is, if you’re looking for something more of the XY chromosome category, I’d understand.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Maura said, mouth quivering slightly.

“No…I just don’t want you to be unhappy with me, is all.”

“Jane, sweetheart, where is this coming from?” Maura smiled, ignoring the feeling of guilt that threatened to overwhelm her. “The only thing I want right now, Jane, is you. I love you.”

Jane pouted dramatically, trying to keep her focus away from Maura’s firm, naked breasts but failing. “If you say so…”

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Maura exclaimed playfully, tickling Jane with eager fingers. “How many times do I have to say it? Do you want me to buy you a ring and propose?”

Jane squirmed under her lover’s fingers as they continued to find all of her ticklish spots. “Augh! Stop it, Maura. Fine…I get it, you love me…ahh, I’m going to pee on myself if you don’t quit.”

But as soon as the mood struck the two women it was lost as their cellphones rang on the bedside table. Sighing, they both grabbed their individual phones with a frown. Back to work.

“Rizzoli.”

“Isles.”


	3. Chapter 3

Maura’s red Aston Martin DB9 moved with the familiar ebb and flow of Boston morning rush hour traffic that met the two women as they drove to BPD. Despite the rising humidity and blaring horns of the outside streets the two women ensconced in the luxurious vehicle were more than comfortable. Turning her head from the bumper-to-bumper traffic in front of her, Maura smiled at Jane’s irritated face. Jane’s lap was covered in the various remains of McDonald’s food wrappers and ketchup packets, causing Maura to frown in displeasure.

“Jane…”

“What?” Jane asked disinterestedly, flipping the car ahead of them off. “Are you serious? C’mon! Don’t let him merge like that! Since he’s not indicating his intentions to other drivers who _can’t read his mind_ , he needs to sit and wait in that lane. Idiots…”

Maura frowned at the other woman’s lack of patience. “Relax, Jane. You’re going to get food and ketchup stains on the leather. I’d really rather not have to pay another three grand on detailing again.”

“For someone who’s always complaining about their car getting _ever so slightly_ dirty, you’re awfully lax about having sex in it,” Jane muttered with a raised eyebrow, earning her an annoyed look in return. “Sorry. Fine, fine, I’m cleaning up my mess. But you know this wouldn’t even have happened if you’d’ve let me eat that leftover sushi from last night. It was still good.”

Instead of baiting the detective with an exaggerated eye-roll, Maura turned her attention back to the traffic in front of her which had begun to subside slightly as they passed the downtown thoroughfare exit.

The events of last night were still on her mind. Hearing Jane say how much she loved her was not enough, she had needed more. They had made love throughout the night off and on with a level of passion that was almost desperate in its intensity but even that was not enough.

When exhaustion had finally managed to subdue her, Maura’s last thoughts had been tainted with images of _him_. Sacred fantasies of her and Jane waking up on Christmas morning with their imaginary 2.5 kids waking them up excitedly to open presents, Jane making her _coq au vin_ , walking on the beach hand in hand…all transplanted with a man she hardly knew. Maura was beyond frustrated to accept that she had gone to sleep thinking about a man she hardly knew but the desire to help refused to be abated.

_I don’t even want him yet I find myself craving to be with him, help him. Why?_

Sighing, Maura focused her attentions back on the road. “Eating sushi in the morning is hardly a well-balanced way to start the day. But maybe half-eaten sushi would have been a better choice over a greasy McGriddle and hash-brown combo. Angela could have cooked something healthier.”

“Oh c’mon, I had orange juice with it. An orange is a fruit. Fruits are healthy. Therefore, orange juice is healthy,” Jane teased, moving to change the music playing on the radio. “And you know exactly why I didn’t want to see my mother. After she walked in on us playing Twister, I’m too embarrassed to see her. Eating her bunny pancakes would just make things that much worse.”

Maura easily overtook the car in front of her with a simple shift to a higher gear before shaking her head in amusement.

“Honey, regardless of your embarrassment, I’d rather you be healthy. Several studies led by the Mayo Clinic have proven that orange juice is so over-processed with unnecessary sugars and added artificial flavors that it hardly can be considered healthy. You might as well drink a cup of fruit punch for all of the nutrients you get from a similar portion of orange juice.” Jane’s hand touched the music icon on the Aston’s touchscreen display, Maura shot out with a playful slap. “Don’t you dare. I had to endure listening to Led Zeppelin, Siouxsie and the Banshees, _and_ Radiohead yesterday. You’ll have to do the same with Yanni.”

“His music puts me to sleep. Like a dog being put down kind of sleep.”

“And _your_ music makes me want to consider uninstalling my radio.”

“How can you say that? Radiohead is a benchmark for good music.”

“A benchmark that _you_ created. Hmm…that’s not biased,” Maura quipped.

With a resounding huff of yet another round of repartee lost to the walking encyclopedia that was Maura Isles, Jane turned her head toward the flashing tinted landscape, allowing the easy rhythm of Yanni to travel through her.

Before the silence could fully envelop the two women who were lost in their own thoughts, the soothing music subsided as the screen announced a phone call from Maura’s cell. Jane jumped in shock. After a brief second, the brunette looked over at the familiar name displayed on the touchscreen.

She sighed, rolling her eyes as she answered the phone. “Ma’, why are you calling Maura in the middle of the morning? Shouldn’t you be at work? You now have an apartment to pay rent and utilities for. You can’t afford to be spinning your wheels and wasting time chatting to my CIs.”

“Jane? Why are you answering Maura’s phone? Is she hurt? Or worse? Where are you? I can get off work and drive to the hospital in ten minutes. Frankie can use the lights and sirens, can’t he? If Maura’s hurt, it must qualify as an emergency-”

Shaking her head, Maura interrupted Angela. “I’m fine, Angela. Really. I stayed over at Jane’s place last night to…umm,” she gave a sidelong look at her girlfriend, “to talk about the party. I heard from my mother that you’re doing the catering… Are you sure you’re ready for that kind of stress?”

“Oh thank goodness you’re alright. Jane had me all worried,” Angela’s sigh of relief and Jane’s exclamation of annoyance filled the car as Maura slowed down to exit off of the busy expressway. “Don’t worry about me doing the catering though. It won’t be any different than when I had to cook for Jane’s field-hockey team whenever they went to overnight games. Those high-school girls can put food away like professional linebackers. If I can handle rowdy girls for a weekend at state finals, I’m pretty sure I can tackle fifty people at a dinner party. But, you know, I still don’t know exactly what this party is about? Constance didn’t even know.”

“Well…” Maura muttered apprehensively, looking over at her girlfriend desperately for a lifeline.

Returning her look, Jane coughed slightly. “Stop digging, ma’. God, if being nosy was a sin, you’d be in confession every minute of the day. The nuns would know you on a first-name basis.”

“Jane Clementine Rizzoli! Your sarcasm hurts other people. Maura said that sarcasm is the result of unresolved pain suffered in childhood. Do you think that I caused you pain? Do you want to talk about it?” Angela asked with obvious concern.

“Why are you talking about sarcasm with the woman who can’t even attempt to use it in a conversation without swelling up like a balloon?”

“Well, who else am I going to talk to about you? Since you don’t have a _man,_ after all…”

As the two women proceeded to bicker with each other, Maura laughed, moving efficiently through the Boston streets toward the BPD parking garage. She had wished for this kind of relationship with her own mother as a child but her mother’s absence had made it perfectly clear she didn’t feel the same. Despite Jane’s annoyance regarding Angela’s curiosity regarding her personal life, Maura knew that the taller woman loved her mother completely. It was hard for the blonde to understand a love like the one they shared but, with time, Maura hoped to be able to say she and Jane shared a similar bond. They were close but still a long ways off.

The parking garage connected to BPD loomed over Maura’s car as she lowered her window to flash her badge to the automatic sensor, opening the gate. Jane had long since hung up on her mother and had resumed staring out the window but, as soon as Maura had parked the Aston in its customary spot, she turned to face Maura with an emotionless face.

“Maura,” Jane said decisively. “We need to talk. I don’t really like how big this is getting.”

Turning the ignition off, Maura tilted her head in confusion before grabbing her cell from the port on the dashboard. “Who? Your mother? If you think her curiosity is becoming a problem, we can always sit her down and discuss it over tea and a Danish?”

Maura’s infectious optimism was tempered by Jane’s blank stare.

“No,” Jane exclaimed passionately, shaking her head to reinforce the sentiment. “This _party_ is getting way too big. It’s supposed to be intimate, for us.”

“It is…sort of,” Maura stammered.

A sound of disbelief rose from Jane’s lips. “Really? Inviting _fifty people_ to a coming out party doesn’t match my definition of intimate. You told me that Constance understood what I meant by family and friends. Clearly, she didn’t. I don’t even know fifty people. Even excluding our immediate family and friends, that still leaves _forty people_ unaccounted for.”

Hearing the desperation in her voice, Jane breathed deeply in an effort to calm her nerves, her tenuous control threatening to break. “I want to do this with you, Maura, really I do. But…this whole thing is getting bigger than our relationship. I feel like I’m getting married, and god knows we don’t want that.”

Maura fidgeted, her mind conflicted. This was the second time they had mentioned marriage in the last twenty-four hours. Unlike the first time, however, Jane’s tone was more a declaration of the obvious, no joking about it. Was the idea of being married to her so repulsive, so out of the question that it didn’t even need to be discussed? Her hands shook around her cellphone as Maura tried to repress the impulse to throw it at the oblivious woman. In typical fashion, Jane was unperturbed by the choice of her words and seemed to be so irritated by amount of people on the party’s guest list to notice her girlfriend’s obvious reaction.

“Do you really mean that?” Maura asked in a stage whisper, eyes still lowered to her fidgeting hands. “You wouldn’t want to marry me?”

Instead of hearing the hurt in the other woman’s voice, Jane responded impulsively. “And open that Pandora’s Box? No thank you. And besides,” she reached out to hold Maura’s hand across the leather interior of the Aston, hardly noticing her shaking hands, “we need to focus on the here and now, not contemplate about what-ifs and could-bes.”

“Of course.”

“Do you want me to talk to Constance for you? I know she’s your mother and everything, but there has to be a limit. Inviting forty of her artsy-fartsy friends is taking things way too far, right? You’d think a woman as sophisticated as she is would understand the difference between intimate and public. I might as well hire a skywriter to write during the middle of rush-hour over the I-90 that I’m dating the chief medical examiner of the greater Commonwealth of Massachusetts. And, oh yeah, and we’re both women! Oh snap!” Jane exclaimed sarcastically before frowning at their joined hands. “Wait…why are you shaking? Are you cold?”

Snatching her hands away from the now concerned brunette, Maura started to open the car door. “You’re such an idiot,” she muttered, tossing the keys at Jane’s confused face. “When you leave, lock up behind you. I have to go. Susie wants to consult with me about the budget for next month regarding buying a new mass-spectrometer for the lab. Drop my keys off whenever you get some free time.”

All but racing out of the car, Maura hardly noticed anything but the sound of her own heels tapping rhythmically against the cement floor and her own thoughts. The crescendo beat of her heels pounded in her ears as an overwhelming sense of sadness took the place of Elias in her mind.

Why would she say something so hurtful? If anyone understood what marriage meant to a woman like her, someone who had spent most of their life alone, without a sense of belonging, Maura had been sure Jane would. Clearly not.

In exhaustion, Maura lowered her head. “And that is the most unkindest cut of all,” she whispered, her voice heavy with restrained emotion.

Meanwhile, Jane still sat in the Aston with a downtrodden look on her face, confusion now replaced with complete and utter sadness.

“I love you too,” Jane whispered in the darkness, the heat of the day now starting to invade the Aston and form an ever-increasing rift between the two women.

What did I do wrong, this time?


	4. Chapter 4

Even after the less than stellar start to her day, Jane’s day got progressively worse with each passing hour. She had hardly reached her desk before Cavanaugh tracked her down to bitch about something or other, forcing the detective to do desk duty for the day. Jane didn’t know what was worse: sitting on her ass while filling out the mandatory paperwork that had been piling on her desk since 2009 or being called out to fetch a suspect that had run up a tree and promptly got stuck, much like a cat. Both situations were miserable in their own waybut being in the field meant she wouldn’t have time to sit around thinking about Maura.

As much as Jane had been mostly kidding about not wanting to get married, a large part of her screamed out in anxiety at the idea of being tied down to Maura for the rest of her life. Logically, she knew that they were practically married anyway. Hell, they were going to be moving in with each other in a couple of days and after that she would have no apartment to run back to if the going got tough. Her home would be Maura’s home. Why was she so damn scared of marrying a woman as perfect as Maura?

_Because I’m not good enough for her._

Stopping midsentence, Jane’s hands dropped the pen she had been using to write another final report of a homicide long since solved. Where were these insecurities coming from? Had they always been sitting in the back of her consciousness, waiting for a sign of weakness to exploit? Jane recalled the fantasy she had had when racing to meet Maura to tell her how she felt nearly a year ago. She had assumed it was just a result of her lack of sleep, but maybe her subconscious had been trying to tell her what her heart refused to acknowledge.

In frustration, Jane cursed Cavanaugh for putting her on desk duty, thus giving her time to think about all of this psycho mumbo-jumbo. The past, sub-consciousness, all of this nonsense was a constant burden.

“Hey, Jane, you alright?” Det. Barry Frost asked worriedly, looking up from his own mountain of paperwork to eye his partner. “You look like you’ve seen Hoyt’s ghost.”

Jane threw her pen at the detective with a frown. “Woah, too soon. But thanks for bringing Hoyt back up. I really appreciate going down that lane of my memory.”

Frost just barely managed to avoid being hit with the fast-moving projectile. “Well, looks like someone is having a Moody Monday… Guess I’ll just keep my concern to myself.”

Jane narrowed her eyes before sighing in resignation. “Sorry, you didn’t deserve that. I’m just having a miserable day. I’d really rather be somewhere else right now.”

“I’m sure Maura misses you too, Jane.”

“I highly doubt that.”

Jane leaned back in her chair, staring at a framed picture of the two them at the annual Fourth of July fireworks celebration last year. Maura had gone crazy with the red, white, and blue cotton candy, most of it sticking on her face, fingers, and hair. For a brief second – which the camera had captured – Jane managed to bring her best friend’s attention to the fireworks snapping and sizzling above them in bright colors. Just remembering each childish exclamation of “wow”, “woah”, and “did you see that” that Maura made in response to the fireworks display always made her gloomy days a little brighter.

Frost quietly watched his partner with a smile of amusement, knowing she was looking at the picture that had taken a place of honor on Jane’s desk.

“I don’t. I’ve seen how she lights up when you go and see her. She’s as happy as a kid on Christmas,” Frost said. “Why don’t you go see her for a little bit? If you’re worried about Cavanaugh, I can hold down the fort. There’s no need for both of us to be miserable.”

“I can’t.”

“Uh-oh, that doesn’t sound good. What did you do this time?”

Jane smiled at her partner’s choice of words. This was hardly the first time they had had a conversation concerning her relationship with Maura. Since the Heartbreaker case last year, her partner had become a confidant of sorts, giving her much needed advice and just being a welcome ear to her problems. Frost had become more than Jane’s partner in the field, he was her friend and confidant.

“God, I don’t know. I guess I must have said something without thinking about it first,” Jane ran her hand through her loose curls, grabbing another pen. “She wasn’t particularly thrilled with my response. But the day wasn’t exactly on the best of starts anyway so…”

“Okay…well, what exactly _did_ you say?”

Tapping the head on the retractable pen in a continuous rhythm, she turned her focus back to the forgotten reports. “It’s not really as serious as you’re thinking. I just, you know, told her that I didn’t want to marry her because it would be way too much to deal with,” Jane finished matter-of-factly, hardly noticing Frost’s slack-jawed expression.

After a period of silence, however, Jane looked up in confusion. “What’s with the look? It’s not like I don’t want to marry her _ever_. Just not right _now_. I’m thinking rationally.”

“Which is the last thing a woman in love wants to hear.” Frost lowered his head and sighed melodramatically. “I never thought I’d have to tell you to not think with your head, Jane. Love isn’t rational. It’s like a mess of irrationality. Being turned down by the one you love, even as a joke, is painful,” he said, turning away with saddened eyes. “My experience with Anna pretty much made me an expert on the subject.”

_Damn it, he’s right. Could I be anymore oblivious?_

Jane had no intention to hurt her girlfriend. She might be a brute when it came to the subtlety of handling Maura’s emotions but she certainly wasn’t heartless. Maura was her best friend, first and foremost, and it killed Jane to see her in pain, especially if she had caused it.

Jane stood up with determination in her eyes. “Keep Cavanaugh busy for a couple of minutes. I need to-”

“Talk to your,” he interrupted, before lowering his voice, “girlfriend.”

Jane nodded, barely comprehending his words as she turned toward the elevator to take her to Maura’s office but before she could reach it, her mother rushed out of the up elevator with a slightly familiar man in tow.

_Who is that? Where have I seen him before?_

Jane looked around anxiously, expecting to see Cavanaugh wandering around to catch her trying to sneak out of doing her desk duty.

“Ma’, I don’t have time to help out one of your homeless friends in need. If there’s no dead body, then it isn’t my problem. The guys in Robbery will be way too happy to have something to do. I need to talk to Maura.” Jane tried desperately to move her mother out of the way but the woman was a rock. “Mom, _please_ stop being difficult. I’m really busy doing homicide stuff. Move.”

“Jane, you’re the one being difficult,” Angela muttered under her breath before directing her attention to the tall man with serious eyes. “You know how difficult she can be, Eric. You’d think time would have made her slow down a little bit-”

Jane’s face dropped, her eyes finally taking in the familiar man. “Eric? It can’t be…”

The taller man frowned, moving forward slightly. “Well, it is. It’s me, Eric Weiss. Back from the dead. And I see you haven’t changed, Janey.”

\---

Maura was also finding the day to be miserable.

Unlike Jane, she was stuck on her feet all day working double duty thanks to a four car pile-up that had blocked traffic for several hours. After managing to get to the scene without incident and meeting Korsak – who had a new ferret friend named Sheldon with him in his pocket – Maura had had to endure two hours of standing around in the heat, waiting on Big Mo’ to get to the scene so she could release the bodies to her lab for autopsy.

By the time Maura had come back to BPD, she was so soaking wet in sweat that she had to take an emergency shower in BPD’s gym. That would have been a reasonably pleasurable activity… _if_ she had brought an extra pair of clothes with her to change into. She was forced to either wear her sopping mess of an outfit or the work overalls that were mandatory wear for crime scenes in easily-contaminated areas. It was hardly a choice. As important as clothes were to Maura, she’d much rather be comfortable and clean over fashionable and gross.

Yet her current choice of apparel wasn’t the only thing that had her annoyed. As Maura washed down one of the victims from the pile-up in preparation for the Y-incision that would start her fifth autopsy of the day, her mind was unusually distracted. With her conversation with Jane in her head and the complicated bubbling of emotions building for Elias in her heart, it hardly surprised her that she was unable to stay focused on the task at hand. Maura wished for the millionth time that she was like Constance, envisioning her mother’s reserved face, the face she had spent years trying – mostly failing – to replicate.

Turning off the cold shower of the handheld faucet, Maura gazed at the shattered skull and battered ribs of the man on her autopsy table, feeling an unexpected pang of guilt. This man who had died in a freak accident was lying on her table by no fault of his own and she was too busy thinking about her own problems to give him the focus he deserved. That was the least she could do. Sighing heavily, Maura closed her eyes, leaning against the autopsy table in exhaustion. It was no use trying to regain focus; her mind was shot.

Maura knew that her feelings for Elias were problematic. In the back of her mind, the medical examiner acknowledged that Jane would probably be hurt knowing how complicated her feelings were for a man she hardly knew. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Jane in any way. But her emotions were proving impossible to ignore. The unusual cocktail of repressed attraction towards a strange man and her empathy was stronger than Maura could have ever predicted. She knew her love for Jane was special, something to cherish, but what she felt for Elias was different. Not better per se…just different.

_Even with all of my intelligence, I can’t solve this mess._

“What’s wrong with me?” Maura wondered out loud.

An unexpected chuckle from the entrance of the morgue caused Maura to lift her head in confusion.

“What? Who’s there?”

“Lt. Col. Elias MacFarlane of the United States Air Force,” the red-haired man said strongly, saluting Maura with a playful smile. “But I’m sure you already know that.”

His playful demeanor dropped as soon as he saw Maura’s shocked expression. “Did I scare you? Damn it, I knew I should have waited until you picked up your phone _before_ I decided to come by. My apologies,” Elias said bashfully, taking in the dead body in front of Maura. “Oh, I see you’re busy. I’ll just, uh, come back…later.”

_Oh no, why is he here?_

The last person she needed to see at the moment was Elias. What if Jane saw him leaving? Knowing Jane’s proclivity toward assuming she would put two and two together to get five.

_And she wouldn’t be far off in her assumption given my mixed up feelings for him._

“No,” Maura commanded in a voice far more aggressive than she had intended. “I’m actually just finishing up for the day. I’m not getting anything productive done, at the moment.”

Maura covered the body up with a plain white cloth before marking the tag on the body’s neck for storage in the cooler. Normally, this action would have been second nature to the medical examiner, but the sudden arrival of her visitor made even the smallest actions difficult. Her hazel eyes subconsciously surveyed the area of the labs, making sure none of her techies – particularly Susie, given her tendency to chat with the Rizzoli clan – was watching her new handsome friend.

Finishing up her task, Maura moved to greet Elias with a smile. “So…”

“So…”

Elias looked down at the woman’s baggy overalls, struggling to restrain the booming laugh that threatened to escape from his lips. “You look…great. I’m loving the HAZMAT look.”

Maura rolled her eyes dramatically. “Not all of us can be a pilot and sit in a F-16 playing race-the-wind, Mr. MacFarlane. Are you going to tell me why you’re gracing me with your presence or have me guess? I _hate_ to guess, by the way.”

Elias frowned, following the medical examiner out of the autopsy room and into her office. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. You know? About if I needed to talk?”

Surprised at his response, Maura tripped against the same bright, modern chair that Jane kept pushing for her to get rid of. Unable to catch her balance, she began to fall toward the hard floor, moving quickly to protect her face with her hands. Maura had hardly expected him to actually call her back. Having Elias in front of her face just made everything she was feeling harder to ignore.

However, Maura’s focus was quickly becoming centered on the cold linoleum rising to meet her with each passing second. Preparing for the pain that would surely occur, she began to steel her body for the impact, but Elias was one step quicker, snatching Maura from her rapid descent. The world spun precariously, yet Elias held her safely against his strong body. A squeal of surprise came from her mouth as the remarkably different yet marvelously familiar sensation of being embraced by a man took over her senses. Silence wrapped around the two as Maura breathed the unique smell of Elias’s woodsy cologne. Just like their first meeting together, masculinity seeped from his pores and excited her accelerated heart-rate.

_This is nice…different yet nice._

Hazel eyes met the endless blue depths of the man holding her and the same loneliness Maura found there was still churning underneath his playboy demeanor. Her mind told her to look away, but Maura couldn’t find the strength.

Unexpectedly, the mood was broken as Elias carefully removed himself from the accidental embrace, a blush coloring his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. You were going to fall and…” Elias muttered bashfully, attempting to hide his obvious embarrassment. “Are you alright? You look a little faint. Do you need some water?”

Maura shook her head, moving to her beloved chair. “No, I’m fine. I don’t normally have problems keeping my footing. I’ve been distracted, as of late.”

Reaching the chair, Maura dropped heavily on the hard cushions. She smiled at Elias, giving him permission to sit as well. “You really shouldn’t be here, Mr. MacFarlane. I don’t even want to know how you managed to sneak in here.”

“Maura, if you keep calling me Mr. MacFarlane, I’m going to have to start calling you Ms. Isles, which is far too formal for my tastes,” Elias said, returning to his usual boyish charm. “And it wasn’t like I had to work that hard to get in here. Those guards will let anyone through with a badge and a smile. God knows you don’t have to be Tom Clancy to figure out how to sneak into this place.” With a melodramatic frown, Elias gave Maura his best puppy-dog eyes. “Unless…you don’t want to talk.”

With a speed that impressed the two of them, the medical examiner lifted both of her hands in a stopping gesture. “No, stay. You’re here now. So, what’s on your mind, Elias?”

“Well…umm, I want your advice about a decision I’ve been contemplating or more like arguing with myself over.”

Maura smiled in encouragement. “Well, shoot. I’m not sure how much advice I can offer a man as capable as yourself, but I can try.”

“I’m retiring.”

“From the Air Force?” she asked in surprise. “Why? Does it…have something to do with your father’s death?”

Elias released a heavy sigh. “Now that my father’s gone, I don’t feel like living in his image is in my best interest anymore. He wanted me to be a pilot and follow in his footsteps. He knew I wanted to pursue a medical degree, but my opinion mattered little.”

“That must have been difficult for you.”

“It is…no, it was. All these years of wanting his approval so badly just made me into his little tool. For some idiotic reason, I thought that if I followed his whims maybe he would finally show some interest in me, for once in his life.” A brief flash of sadness crossed Elias’s face before it disappeared back under his veneer of boyish charm. “Well, poke me with a spoon, Maura. You’re making me disclose all of my secrets again. If Jane isn’t careful, I might have to steal you from her one day. ”

Maura lowered her eyes to the stack of manila folders carefully arranged on her desk. Even though she could tell he was just kidding, Maura still felt a pang of pain at the idea of being away from Jane. Lifting her head, she wondered if the charming man in front of her knew the effect he was having.

Suddenly, Maura’s stomach released an unexpected loud growl. Elias laughed with a wide grin. “Didn’t eat lunch?”

“Well, I can’t exactly go upstairs and get something from the café dressed like this,” she said, looking down at her unfortunate clothing choice. “I’ll just have Jane come down and bring me something.”

Elias smirked. “And what if she’s busy? Then you’re shit out of luck and still hungry to boot.”

“That is a highly probable outcome…but what do you suggest I do? Stare at the walls and will my hunger away using self-control techniques?”

“You can come with me,” Elias invited, standing up and offering his strong hand to help Maura up. “Take an impromptu lunch break with me. I know the perfect place. And don’t worry about anyone seeing you. We’ll be little deviants and sneak out the back way.”

“In this?” she asked incredulously.

Elias beamed happily. “In that.”


	5. Chapter 5

Angela watched her daughter and Eric Weiss drink coffee in the Division One Café with an expectant smile while helping one of her many customers. The two had been chatting for an hour with little movement besides the occasional wave on Jane’s part for more coffee. What they were talking about, Angela could only guess. Every time the older woman could manage to get within earshot of them, Jane gave an angry glare that said: _You’ve far surpassed your meddling allotment for the day. Butt-out of my business._ Despite her growing curiosity, the older woman had wisely chosen to give her daughter some space.

Was it really such a bad thing to want to help – no, guide – her one and only daughter to happiness? Each passing birthday that Jane was forced to celebrate with friends and family instead of proper male companion marked the closing window of opportunity for the wedded bliss Angela was sure her daughter needed. Who wouldn’t want a nice, sweet man to come home to at night?

She just hoped Jane wasn’t screwing things up with Eric after finally having to chance to reconnect. Even after everything that had happened ten years ago, Angela thought the man was still a great catch to provide her with some grandchildren. Despite her own excitement upon seeing the man wandering around BPD, Jane seemed less than thrilled. Her attitude seemed to get worse with each passing second. Aww…she’s just shy, Angela thought optimistically.

“Um, excuse me? Am I going to get my change or did the prices go up again? I don’t know if I can keep coming here if a simple coffee with two sugars costs _ten_ dollars,” the customer at the counter said, his smile turning to a deep frown.

Quickly, Angela returned her focus to the customer. “Sorry, sir, I’m trying to multi-task.” She handed him his change with a smile. “I’m really sorry about that. Have a great evening.”

“You too.”

The customer walked out with his coffee, allowing Angela to quickly resume her espionage mission on Jane and Eric. In an attempt to look busy to keep Stanley off her back, she grabbed a small cloth to wipe up the clean counter, hardly noticing Frankie’s sudden arrival.

“Hey, ma’, isn’t it a little early to be cleaning up? It’s only five minutes to five. Doesn’t the café stay open until eight?”

Angela continued to scrub the same spot on the counter, concentrated only on being nosy in her daughter’s affairs. Surprised at her lack of response, Frankie turned around and saw Jane and Eric still talking quietly to each other and looked back to his mother before doing a rapid double-take in his sister’s direction.

Frankie made a come-hither motion with his fingers toward his mother. “Woah, is Jane really talking to Eric Weiss? The same Eric that she was engaged to but left her without even saying goodbye? Ma’…you remember how she was heartbroken for weeks, crying like her life was over. Why’s he here?”

Upon hearing the rising intensity in Frankie’s voice, Angela shushed him. “I don’t know and, honestly, it doesn’t matter. And you know he didn’t leave because he wanted to, Frankie. He had no choice.”

“Trust me, I know exactly what that asshole did,” Frankie said, angrily. “When Jane was younger, she worked undercover in the Drug Unit. Apparently she tampered with some important evidence during a big drug deal bust of a cartel drug lord. Something big happened at the trial that forced Eric – the assigned ADA to the case – to make a decision between telling the court about Jane’s actions, putting on record her mistake, thus ruining her chances to get a spot in homicide, or bite the bullet and hope the defense attorneys wouldn’t be that bright and pursue. And of course the bigwig defense attorneys couldn’t let an opportunity to get their uber rich client out of a potential 60+ year life sentence slip by,” Frankie sighed in exhaustion as the memories came back in vivid color. “Long story short, Eric got burned and the drug lord was cleared of all charges. And, next thing I know, Jane’s crying bloody murder on my doorstep about how her fiancé just up and left her without even so much as a goodbye letter.”

“So very unfortunate that it all happened that way,” Angela muttered, shaking her head at the memories.

“He shouldn’t be here, Ma’. He got run out of town once. If I have to, I’ll do it again. Jane doesn’t deserve a jerk like him back in her life. Not after what he did.”

“No, Frankie,” Angela whispered, shaking her head passionately, pleading with her eldest son to listen. “He’s suffered enough, now and back then. He was front-page news for the longest time, even after he left. Eric was disbarred for withholding evidence and publicly humiliated by the press. I think it’s understandably that he felt like he had to leave.”

Angela turned her eyes back to the two former lovers still huddled in conversation. Her face softened as her own memories from all those years ago came rushing back.

“You know, he never once incriminated Jane despite the temptation to do so. Even when it could have saved him his career, Eric never once wavered. If anything, he did everything in his power to dissociate his actions with Jane’s mistake. Eric loved Jane until the end, Frankie.”

Frankie rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Yeah, well, Jane didn’t seem to get that memo before he _ran away_. God knows, I still remember the smell of all of those dresses he bought her burning in that bonfire she made on my patio. I couldn’t get the damn smell out for weeks. If Eric really loved her, he wouldn’t have left in the first place. He would have stuck it out.”

“Hmm…” Angela muttered non-committedly, her hand still polishing the now spotless counter. “I’m just glad to see her with someone who could make her so happy. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her with someone like that…”

“Ma’, c’mon. You can’t be serious.”

Angela’s eyebrows lifted in confusion. “What?”

“You’re telling me you haven’t noticed? Everyone who knows them has. Even the lab techs know what’s up.” Frankie sighed at his mother’s still lost face. “Jane’s been happy for a long time. With Maura. Her best friend and the chief medical examiner. What do you think their upcoming party is about? How could you not notice? You lived in the same house with Maura for like a decade. They’re _never_ apart, always sleeping in the same bed, and have been talking about cats a lot. You know what I’m saying. _Cats_.”

“I like cats. Is Maura getting a cat?”

Frankie shook his head, sighing in exhaustion. “No…I think she already has one. And her name is Jane Rizzoli,” he muttered. “You know what… I’m just going to have to tell you in layman’s terms. Jane and Maura are together. Jane and Maura have been together for some time now.” Frankie gave his mother a huge grin, waiting excitedly for the reaction that was sure to come. “Jane and Maura are having sex, Ma’. Frequently given how they always seem to have we-have-really-good-sex look on their face.”

“Oh…ohh…OHHkay,” Angela said, her mind slowly interpreting the meaning of Frankie’s words. “Wait… holy… Are you serious? They told me they were playing Twister!”

\---

Jane and Eric turned their heads at the loud yell emanating from the counter of the café. Subconsciously reaching for her gun, she relaxed upon seeing that the cause of the noise was her mother and Frankie – now doubled over, laughing at his mother’s shocked face.

_What the hell is going on with them?_

Eric scratched his carefully shaved head with a raised eyebrow. “When we were dating, your father used to joke that Angela was always one genetic roll of the dice from the funny farm. I see he might have been fairly correct in that assessment. How’s your dad anyway? You haven’t said much about him.”

“That’s because he’s dead to me at the moment.” Eric’s taken aback face gave Jane slight pause. “Sorry, you probably want some context for that kind of statement. He ran off with some barely legal bleached blonde bimbo from Florida. No one is talking to him except Tommy so he might as well be dead.”

“Hardly surprising Tommy would take his side. I only met him once when we had that disastrous family dinner and he always seemed to take after his father the most,” Eric said, releasing a booming laugh similar to Jane’s own. “You remember that dinner? God, that was _bad_. Angela forgot I was a vegetarian, so all I could eat was salad while your brothers kept giving me the death-stare every time I attempted to make casual conversation. And that was just the first thirty minutes of an evening that lasted far, _far_ too long. Just thinking about it makes me cringe.”

Jane laughed at Eric’s theatrical expressions. “I hope you didn’t forget what happened after dinner. I finally managed to sneak you up to my room like some godforsaken teenager and, lo and behold, as soon as we start to make-out, Frankie and Tommy come out from under my bed and just stare at you with baseball bats. And think they were screaming stupid Italian curses or some shit they learned from old spaghetti westerns. Regardless, I promised myself to never take anyone home to meet my family ever again.”

“Wise decision.”

They shared a brief laugh and Jane marveled at how comfortable they still were despite the amount of time spent apart. Their connection was similar to how she felt around Maura except…different somehow. The spark wasn’t there with Eric while with Maura it was constantly flitting around in the background, waiting to be ignited into an inferno with just a simple look or a short dialogue. Thinking of Maura reminded Jane that she still needed to see her, but she couldn’t move forward with Maura until she’d dealt with Eric first.

With a heavy sigh, Jane laced her hands together and gazed at the familiar yet foreign face across from her. Like all of those years ago, Eric kept his head shaven, giving him the appearance of an extra from “Full Metal Jacket” but his face spoke volumes of a life she would never know. Still just ruggedly handsome as before yet she knew he was far more weathered than the man she once knew like the back of her hand.

_How could ten some odd years of separation change someone so much but leave some things exactly the same?_

“Well, now that we’ve spent the last half hour going down memory lane and avoiding the pink elephant in the room, let’s get back on track. Why are you here, Eric? I hope you’re not really expecting me to be waiting for you like some sick puppy. You ran on us. I didn’t just push pause on my life and I sure as hell know you didn’t either. I’m sorry, but it can’t be any other way.”

“I know that, Jane. You don’t know the meaning of ‘wait’. It’s not in your vocabulary,” Eric said with a saddened smile. “You’re probably married to some lucky lad anyway.” Eric lifted his half-empty coffee mug. “Here’s to hoping your family treated him better than they did me.”

“Maura and I are hardly married,” Jane said, stirring the coffee in her own cup slowly, lost in thought.

Eric’s brown eyebrows moved slightly in response to Jane’s confession, but otherwise he remained still, processing the words of his former fiancée.

After a brief moment of silence, Eric’s demeanor shifted. “I know what that face means. Trouble in paradise with the missus?”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “Something like that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yes…but not with my ex-fiancé,” Jane said dismissively, looking up sadly. “Stop trying to change the subject. Why are you back?”

“Still impatient, I see,” Eric muttered, fidgeting with his fingers. “The Massachusetts Bar is reinstating my license to practice law. Apparently, the old, white men in charge decided to look at the severity of my case and overturn the ruling. I’d love to come back to Boston and practice law again. I kind of miss the vibe here.”

“You were in Las Vegas, right? I don’t think Boston can compare to the Vegas scene, Eric. The closest thing we’ve got to the Strip is various strip clubs.”

Eric smirked. “Practicing law in Las Vegas is…well, it’s different. Prosecutors can turn into celebrities in the blink of an eye. It certainly can be a thrill to the heart, but not as mentally exciting as working with BPD, in my opinion.”

“So…what do you want from me?”

“I want to make sure things were cool with us first before making anything official. We might be working on cases again and I don’t want things to become unduly awkward given…our past.”

Jane grinned happily, pushing a stray lock of hair from her face. “That’s great. You were a damn good ADA. Even before we started dating, you always made me feel safe when I had to take the stand. And no, you won’t have to worry about things being awkward. I’ve grown up a lot since then, Eric.”

Releasing a faint sigh, Eric returned Jane’s smile. He stood up from the seat and Jane soon followed, sensing their conversation was over.

“Oh wait,” Eric exclaimed. “I forgot to say congratulations for making detective. I always knew you’d get into homicide.”

“Thanks…for everything, Eric. I owe you a lot.”

Jane gave a small smile before running out of the café to catch the first elevator down. She tapped the down button multiple times in an effort to make the elevator rise faster but knew it was no use. The down elevator moved like molasses at the best of times but at – Jane checked her watch – half past five the thing moved more like an old arthritic gentleman living in Miami.

_Damn it, c’mon! I could have run a marathon in less time than this thing._

Work be damned. It was time to confront Maura. Jane was sorry for hurting Maura with her insensitive marriage comment, but her suspicions towards the lurking figure in their relationship were becoming hard to ignore. Either Maura would understand her feelings and assuage them or…

Jane angrily punched the elevator button again, nervous energy travelling down her spine like a warning. Don’t even think about the latter, Jane chanted mentally. Maura was always talking about thoughts becoming ideas, ideas becoming actions, actions becoming patterns, and all of that psycho mumbo-jumbo. It would be just her luck that it would prove true for the suspicions that she wanted nothing more than to be proven false.


	6. Chapter 6

Maura pushed back her chair from the table with a smile. After sneaking out of the BPD like two criminals, Elias had taken her back to his place in order to “cook her a proper meal.” It had been awhile since she had had the pleasure of a meal cooked for her but warning bells went off in her mind. There was a fine line between fantasizing and acting out a fantasy and Maura felt like she had crossed it as soon as she had stepped over the threshold of Elias’s home.

With a content smile, Maura looked around the simply furnished yet comfortable South End apartment. Elias had told her that he had bought the place recently upon hearing his father was sick, figuring he would be spending more time in Boston in the future. And his prediction had been right. Now that his father was gone and his pending retirement, Elias was seriously considering making a permanent move from Langley to Boston.

Unlike her suspicions to the contrary, given Elias’s emphasis of being well-dressed at all times, his modest apartment was designed with function in mind over fashion. No garish colors, angles, and patterns marred each carefully selected piece of furniture. Nothing was out of place or too radical. Nothing was perfect or wrong but just so. Maura thought it fit the auburn haired man perfectly. Her eyes took in the only flash of color in the entire space, a potted selection of well-taken care of purple, pink, and green hydrangeas placed on a small pedestal strategically near the light of the full length glass window across the room.

The sounds of washing dishes from the small kitchen returned Maura’s attention back to the man of the hour. Elias stood over the sink clad in a red apron, powerfully attacking the dirty dishes with calm strokes in the sudsy water. She couldn’t refrain from laughing at the image of the well-dressed man before her playing homemaker.

Elias turned around quickly in response to Maura’s unexpected giggles. “This is why I hate bringing women home to my place before the sun goes down. They all laugh at me when I use my well-honed Home Ec. skills.”

Elias frowned as his guest continued to laugh. “It’s not really that funny, Maura. A lot of women seek out partners who understand the complexities of fulfilling real life responsibilities in the high-pressure atmosphere of the home. Men like me are in high demand.”

“I’m sure they are,” Maura deadpanned, standing up from the table to join Elias in the kitchen.

“They are, trust me. Not that many men can make apple pumpkin bisque.”

“Or women for that matter. If I ask Jane to do French for dinner, I’ll get a baguette and pomme frites. If I’m lucky I can get her to pick up some éclairs. If only I could get her to make something that didn’t include the descriptors: burnt, charred, crisp, or overdone.”

Maura smiled at the memory of Jane arguing over her suggestion that they take a cooking class at BCU together. Even after she had told her that it would be free, given her alumni status, Jane would have none of it. She had spent the rest of the evening pouting adorably, ignoring Maura’s genuine efforts for penance. But Jane could not hold up the silent treatment for long. It was unbelievably fun watching Jane try to maintain her silence even with her insistent and creative methods to get the woman talking.

“You must love her a lot,” Eric stated, her bright grin impossible to ignore.

“Yes…I do. Sometimes I forget that. But I’m sure you have someone like that in your life,” Maura said optimistically, feeling another surge of empathy. “You’re a handsome man who has excellent homemaking skills. If I hadn’t met Jane…if things had been different…,” Maura breathed deeply, “I could have easily had fallen in love with you. No question. And if you can get a woman like me, you can get anyone…except someone like Jane.”

With the words came a release of tension that had been sitting in her heart. That’s what had been nagging her concerning Elias’s sudden reentry into her life. Maura’s attraction to Elias was nothing more than a missed opportunity, a path she chose not to follow. Empathizing for the man was acceptable, acknowledging the path not taken was another, but confusing that for something else was irresponsible.

Maura’s mind immediately travelled to Jane.Questions that she couldn’t answer quickly caused her to worry but one trumped all the rest: What was Jane going to say when she told her about all of this?

_I hope she understands that this little transgression doesn’t mean anything…_

Hardly noticing her new source of inner turmoil, Elias smiled boyishly at her confession. “Don’t tease me with what-ifs, Maura. It’s not very considerate to my man-feelings,” he said sweetly, walking toward his living room. “But all of my wit aside, thanks for your kind words. I appreciate it.”

Maura’s heart sank at the restrained sadness in his voice, following him into the living room. “Then why do you still seem so sad? And don’t tell me you aren’t, Elias. I’ve been sad and lonely. I know what it sounds like.”

“Me? Sad and lonely?” Elias asked incredulously, laughing as they both sat down in the comfy pillows of the white couch. “I don’t know the meaning of those words in conjunction with myself.” His voice rose in an exaggerated impression of a robot. “I do not compute. Beep-beep. I am unable to process. Beep-beep-beep. Initiating self-destruction protocols. Beep-beep-boop.”

Laughing, Maura rolled her eyes and poked Elias playfully. No matter how he tried to hide it, the man was hurting. If he was hurting, she had to try to help him. It was in her DNA.

“Why do you even care anyway?” he asked miserably, glancing back up at the blonde with sorrowful eyes. “I’m not even your friend. You don’t even know anything about me besides my impeccable fashion sense and fantastic cooking skills. I nearly killed your girlfriend, flirted with you a couple of times, and picked up my dead squadron member’s body from your morgue. Not exactly what I’d call a reason to be all buddy-buddy with a man you know nothing about. For all you know, I’m a serial killer or a man with freaky fetishes like only having sex with girls in schoolgirl uniforms.”

“That’s hardly a freaky fetish. Jane told me an incident regarding a ‘client’ asking her to give him a golden shower while roleplaying a mother-son scene when she was working undercover.” Maura chuckled. “Now _that’s_ a little freaky fetish.”

“Maura…”

“I guess…I care too much. It’s my kryptonite,” Maura said. “When I saw you, I saw the same loneliness that used to be in my eyes and… I wanted to help you. Please, let me help you, Elias.”

After enduring Maura’s pleading eyes for several seconds, he gave in with a heavy sigh. “You’re so bossy… Fine, I’ll talk about my _feelings_. I guess…I’m jealous of you. Jealous that you have a woman like Jane to come home to. Jealous that you never had to deal with my vacant father. When I saw you again…it just brought up all of those feelings that have been building since I saw you watching over Jane in the hospital. It takes a special woman to do what you did. That level of dedication and love…I wish I had that for myself.” Elias looked over at the fading sunlight and the potted hydrangeas. “The only things I have in my life are one-night-stands, my flowers, and my pet python. How sad is that?”

“You have a pet python?” Maura asked excitedly. “Where? Can I see?”

“She’s in the garage. She doesn’t like too much light, especially after she just had a meal. I’d suggest scheduling another day for a play date, I’m afraid.”

Maura frowned. “Aww…but don’t sell yourself short. You have no reason to be jealous of me. My life is hardly worth imitating. I make tons of mistakes,” she said, coughing suddenly as an image of Jane’s crying face after she told her that she had spent the afternoon with Elias, of all people hit her. “Elias, you’ll find someone that will offer you that same love. Trust me. You said yourself that a man with your skills is in high demand. Someone will find you and snatch you up before Christmas. But, honestly, I’m surprised.”

“Surprised?”

She laughed at his quizzical expression. “Yeah…a playboy like you looking to settle down and share his bachelor pit with someone is quite a change from the man I helped in my office nearly a year ago.”

Elias smiled cockily, back to his boyish demeanor. “What can I say? I get better with age.”

Before Maura could return a response, her cell rang with the familiar melody of AC/DC’s “Back in Black” echoed from across the room.

“I have to get that. It’s Jane.” Maura walked over to answer her phone. Pointing at the bathroom, Elias left to give her some privacy, bringing a thankful smile to her lips. “Jane?”

Jane sighed heavily over the cell phone connection. “Maura? God, I was worried. You alright? I asked the techies where you went off to and they looked at me like I was speaking in Chinese. I don’t know how many times I need to say it, but your techies are completely unhelpful. Where are you?”

“A…um…colleague came by my office wanting to talk and I was hungry and…um, we went to have a late lunch. He needed some advice, and it went a little longer than I expected. I should be home soon. We’re just finishing up. Are you at the house? I hope I haven’t kept you waiting,” Maura added meekly.

Jane’s silence was overwhelming as Maura waited for her reply. Even over the cell she could hear her girlfriend’s mental motors whirring overtime in processing all of the potential hidden meanings behind Maura’s seemingly benign words. That was the last thing she wanted Jane to do. The detective had an uncanny ability to leap to conclusions.

“Honey, you still there?” she asked tentatively.

“You didn’t keep me waiting. Cavanaugh put me on desk duty which was painful and extremely long winded. I just managed to finish up. I’m taking the Aston home since I have the keys.” Jane paused. “You want me to come pick you up from…wherever you’re at?”

“No, I’ll be fine. I’m so bad at directions. I’d just get you lost.”

“Okay… Maura?” Jane asked, voice devoid of emotion.

“Yes?”

Jane sighed deeply. “We need to talk.”

\---

As the last remnants of the day faded into the light of the stars, Jane opened the door to Maura’s townhouse. She turned on the lights in the foyer and started slowly moving to take off her boots. Looking around anxiously, Jane realized that Maura was not home yet.

Suddenly, a scratching sound coming toward her attracted the brunette’s attention to the floor. “Oh no…Bass, I’m not your mommy. You don’t have to greet me at the door. We’ve gone over this. Several times.”

With a slow as molasses pace, Bass – Maura’s pet tortoise – finally made the turn from the hallway into the foyer. “Bass…wait, c’mon!” she exclaimed at the sight of her dog on top of Bass’s shell. “What is Jo Friday doing riding your shell? Jo! Get off of Bass. Maura would torture me if she saw you on him like that.”

Jo jumped off of Bass with a bark while Bass continued shuffling forward. Damn it, Jane thought. Every day Maura came home – rain or shine – Bass would greet the blonde at the door. If a tortoise could smile, he’d be smiling each time Maura leaned down to playfully caress his scaly head. Normally, Jane and Maura would have come home together so she hardly needed to deal with this evening ritual but since it was just Jane today, she had no choice. Jane had to greet Bass.

“Hi, Bass… It’s just me today. Maura should be here soon.” Jane lowered her tired body down to scratch the tortoise’s head as it gradually came out from its shell. “She went to talk to some friend of hers.” With a reptilian purr, Bass tilted his head slightly, enjoying the brunette’s movements. “Don’t give me that look. You know Maura can’t lie. I know that I need to be more trusting, Bass. But my gut is telling me that your mommy is giving me the abridged version of the whole story.”

Jane didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to connect the dots. It was plainly obvious. Whispering another man’s name while in bed with your girlfriend and then all of a sudden going off with some mysterious “friend” added up to what she had been dreading to admit: Maura had begun to stray from her. Not physically but emotionally. Even with her lack of experience with the issue of being cheated on, Jane acknowledged that the first step in cheating always started with thoughts. After all, love is nothing more than thoughts.

With a heavy sigh, Jane stood up. “C’mon, Bass. We can wait for Maura together.”

\---

As Jane walked downstairs after changing into a pair of jeans and an old band shirt, the familiar sounds of her girlfriend’s arrival echoed through the house. Despite the rapid ideas ping-ponging through her mind, Jane appeared eerily calm as she moved to meet the other woman.

With a sudden burst of speed, Bass catapulted from behind Jane’s feet and toward his mother, bringing a sigh to the detective’s lips. “So that’s how it is. I didn’t even know you could move that fast. You never move that fast when I come home.”

The muffled sound of excitement from Maura hit her ears just as Jane shuffled out of the hallway. “Is that you, Bass? How’s my little Bassmeister? What are you doing out of your bedroom this late? I know how much you like to turn in early. Did you stay up for Mommy Maura? You’re such a scaly sweetheart,” Maura cooed affectionately, grabbing a strawberry from the refrigerator before she leaned back down to Bass. “Only the best sulcatas get a treat. Yes, you are such a good sulcata.”

Jane coughed slightly, causing the kneeling woman to jump up in surprise.

“If you keep spoiling him, Maura, he’s going to get lazy.” Jane’s eyes wandered over Maura’s unusual attire. “What’s with the funky get up? Did your friend turn out to be a dumpster diver?”

“No, my clothes were ruined. And when you’d become the expert of tortoise care?” Maura replied, lifting herself up from the floor. “For someone who can’t even remember the differences between a turtle and a tortoise, you certainly have a lot of opinions on his care.”

“Fine, ignore me. But my opinions are usually right when it comes to others. It’s what makes me a good cop.”

Maura frowned, subconsciously recognizing her girlfriend’s icy tone. “And I’m sure that’s a great asset when you’re working a case or interrogating a subject. In situations you are unfamiliar with, however, your instincts have a much higher probability of being incorrect, Jane.”

Bass, sensing the changing mood between his two mothers, slinked off to his bedroom. Ignoring his departure, Jane continued to glare at Maura, her heady mix of volatile emotions barely controlled.

“Well, I highly doubt my instincts are wrong when it comes to you and…fucking Elias,” she said smugly as Maura’s eyes twitched slightly in response to the flash of fury released with the mention of Elias. “You were at his place weren’t you? And don’t you dare try to lie to me, Maura.”

“Why would I lie to you? I have no reason to-”

Jane slammed her hand on the counter. “Tell me!”

“Yes.”

Jane’s lips quivered for a brief second before she managed to recover her tenuous control.

“How long has this been going on, Maura? Weeks, months? Did you evade his advances until you just couldn’t take anymore? Or did you pursue him?” Jane laughed suddenly. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. Cheating is cheating. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.”

“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you what was going on. You assume and assume without even using basic logic. Listen, Jane, I’m not cheating on you. I only met Elias when we were getting our dresses for the party. His father died, Jane.”

“Ohhkay,” Jane began, sarcasm dripping from each syllable, “so when your father dies it’s a-ok to sleep with other people’s girlfriends. I’ll keep that in mind when my ma’ goes postal after hearing about my dad’s engagement to the Blonde-Bambi-Bimbo.”

Reaching across the space between them, Maura grabbed Jane’s arm aggressively. “Listen to me, Jane. _I didn’t cheat on you_. You know I can’t lie,” she pleaded, tears coming to her eyes. “When I saw Elias…he looked so lonely. I wanted to help him, so I told him if he wanted to talk, he could talk to me. And that’s all that we did, talk.”

Jane rolled her eyes before snatching her arm back from the blonde. “I want to believe you, really I do, but we need to face the facts.” Running her hand through her tangled hair, Jane turned her attention to the ceiling with a sigh. “You and I have been with men. And you know I don’t really consider myself a lesbian. I…love you and only you. Being a woman doesn’t even factor into the equation.”

“So…”

“So, what’s stopping you from going back to hairy chests that leave the toilet seat up?”

“Trust,” Maura muttered shyly. “I trust that you’d never do that to me because I know I would never betray your feelings for me like that. I love you, Jane.”

Maura’s words were nothing but a Band-Aid on an open wound, too little too late. Jane’s had already conceded defeat to her insecurities. They might love each other, but what if you couldn’t fight one’s identity? Love sometimes wasn’t enough.

Closing her eyes, Jane pondered whether she should ask the question that had been on her mind. Part of her wanted to bypass it because of the potential hurt it would inevitably cause her already weakened heart, but she couldn’t back down now. Jane needed to know.

“Are you attracted to him?” Jane asked in a whisper.

“What?”

In a quick motion, Jane turned around to face Maura, unexpected anger coloring her wild eyes black. “You heard me. Are you attracted to him, Maura?”

A heavy silence spread across the room as they both processed the magnitude of the question.

“No...but I was. It didn’t mean anything,” Maura stammered, looking down in shame.

“Did you want to sleep with him?”

Maura started to bite her nails in anxiety. “Yes…but, Jane, I didn’t. At the end of the day, I didn’t do anything.”

“And you think that makes everything okay?” Jane chuckled, shaking her head. “You know, it doesn’t surprise me that you’d do this. I knew that I wasn’t good enough for you. I’m a homicide detective, daughter of a Boston Italian plumber going out with the chief medical examiner. We’re like two puzzle pieces from different boxes trying to fit together. I just…thought that our love for each other could get over all of our differences. I guess I was wrong. God, it hurts just to admit it.”

“Jane, please,” Maura pleaded, moving toward Jane, trying in vain to reestablish some kind of a connection with her girlfriend. “You’ll always be enough for me. You know that. What I did or didn’t do…nothing changes the way I feel about you. Yes, I should have told you about him before, but I’m telling you now. _We didn’t do anything_. He just needed someone to talk to.”

Maura sighed heavily. “He didn’t have anyone else. You know how much I can’t stand seeing someone in pain.”

Maura’s words were lost in the endless buzzing noise pounding through Jane’s ears, everything ceasing to exist. As much as she had wanted to know, craved to know, whether something was going on with Maura and Elias, Jane hadn’t expected this. Anger and disappointment swirled in her heart as the ramifications of Maura’s actions hit her hard.

“I don’t get you.”

“What?”

Jane shook her head, lashing the brown locks across her face. “I don’t get you. Why do you… Why do you always care so damn much about everyone else? You don’t even know him and he becomes priority numbero uno. It doesn’t make any goddam sense.”

A flash of hot anger darkened Maura’s eyes. “Because I know what it’s like to be alone. To feel like you don’t have anyone in your corner,” she said. “Not everyone has what you have, Jane. A family to love unconditionally, to turn to, to confide in. You’ll…never understand what it feels like to be alone. The pain is unbearable.”

“Oh, cue the violins for Christ’s sake,” Jane exclaimed sarcastically, mimicking a small violin with her fingers. “If he’s in such unbearable pain, why don’t you go back to him, Dr. Isles? Give him two teaspoons of sugar and a blow job. I’m sure he’ll perk right up.”

“Jane,” Maura started, tears starting to fall down her cheeks. “Please… stop being so mean. What do you want me to say? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She had to stop as the other woman’s cold eyes lowered, gazing at the trails of tears. Jane was shutting down, protecting herself from Maura as if her lover was now a potential threat.

Grabbing Jane’s shirt, Maura struggled to maintain her composure.

“I know you’re angry. But…can’t you forgive me?” she cried passionately. “Everything you’ve done to me…I’ve always forgave you. Why? Because you’re my best friend. I would never hurt you on purpose. Can’t you…do the same for me? I’m sorry.”

Jane shivered uncontrollably. “Are you _serious_? Regardless of what you want to call your fucking mess with Elias, I can’t just _sweep it under the rug_ like _it doesn’t matter_. Fine, I admit, I made you wait for me back then. Hell, I nearly lost you to the job. And I shot your father. Those are my mistakes. But they don’t even _begin_ to compare to you _cheating on me_ with some guy you just met nine months ago. Everything I’ve done to you…doesn’t even begin to compare to how you’ve hurt me. I have never hurt you like this. _Never_. And you know what? Now I know how you felt when I used to say sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry isn’t good enough.” Jane said in a twisted facsimile of her normal voice.

Jane hardly noticed Maura’s jump in surprise in response to the deluge of information and feelings that washed over her. Surprised at her own emotional reaction, she stepped backwards, away from Maura and her tears.

“I…need some space.”

I need to get out ofhere, Jane thought as her feet took her away from the blonde and back to their bedroom. A small voice in the back of her mind registered Maura’s voice pleading for her to stop, but she was already too far gone to process it. All Jane wanted was to be alone, away from the catalyst that had made her life so very complicated.

Upon reaching their upstairs bedroom, Jane grabbed an old duffel bag from the closet and stuffed random clothes into its depths. Maura’s pleading eyes burned in her back, yet Jane was unperturbed by the scrutiny.

“Where are you going?” Maura whimpered, sniffling slightly.

Jane zipped up the bag before walking out of the bedroom with a frown. “My apartment.”

“You don’t have to do this. There’s nothing in your apartment. You’ll starve.”

“That’s why they have delivery.”

“For goodness sake, Jane, stay in the guesthouse. You can have all of the alone time you want there. Please…don’t leave. We can…have to talk about this.”

“The last thing I want to do,” Jane huffed as she shifted the bag on to her other shoulder to open the front door, “is talk about this,” she turned to glare icily at Maura, “with you.”

In a last ditch effort, Maura blocked the door with her shuddering body. “I respect that. But…at least tell me that you love me. Tell me you’ll come back,” Maura pleaded, tears still coming down her blotchy face.

Jane looked away with a shrug, whistling to Jo. Trotting up to her mother, Jo looked between the two women in confusion before dejectedly sitting by Jane’s feet.

“Please…don’t make this difficult. Let me go, Maura,” Jane commanded with the last remaining bit of strength in her body. The world was becoming blurry and out of focus. Blinking rapidly did little to cure the problem. It was getting harder to breathe.

_I never thought I’d say this again after Eric, but I think my heart is officially broken beyond repair._

Lowering her arm in defeat, Maura finally stepped back from the door. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“But you did,” Jane said, opening the heavy door. “And nothing is going to change that.”


	7. Chapter 7

Nearly two weeks had passed since Maura had heard anything from Jane. On a personal capacity, Maura knew the other woman was coming by the house whenever she was out because Jane’s collection of conservative suits and ratty jeans were slowly disappearing. On a professional capacity, however, Jane made sure she avoided her by coming in early and leaving late.

Any time they saw each other at various crime scenes, their interaction was nonexistent, to say the least. It was getting so bad she was seriously considering calling Dr. Pike to handle some of her workload. Eugh, I rather die than call that knucklehead, Maura thought. But what other choice did she have? Everyone knew something was amiss with the couple. Even the lab techs had noticed, prompting Susie to invite her to the techies’ weekend “Dungeons and Dragons” night.

Sniffling slightly, Maura clicked the buy button on yet another Miu Miu blouse to add to her collection while wiping away the tears that continued to fall since Jane left. Despite its usual success rate, retail therapy couldn’t put a dent in her blue mood.

The first couple of days after Jane’s departure Maura felt miserable regarding everything that had happened, but now all she felt was utter, complete numbness. There was only so much sadness, guilt, and shame a person could feel before their limit was reached and she had reached a while ago. Maura was spent. It was next to impossible for her to work when one single thought weighed upon her mind.

_I miss her. God, I miss her so much._

Maura knew and understood that she had screwed up with the whole Elias situation. She had tried to rationalize her guilt as nothing more than helping a friend in need, but logic did nothing to assuage the guilt eating at her soul.

This was all her fault.

Thinking about cheating was just as bad as actually going forward with the act. She should have told Jane what was going on instead of dealing with it on her own. What she did…it was beyond reckless, stupid even, but she had no intention to hurt Jane with her actions. All Maura saw was the loneliness of a man who desperately needed someone to reach out to like she had once needed. Stupidly, Jane had never once crossed her mind. If she had known that the woman was struggling with insecurities regarding their relationship, Maura would have never even entertained attempting to assist Elias on her own.

_Jane…I’m so sorry._

When Jane had walked out on her that night, Maura wanted nothing to race after her and demand they sit and talk their problems out, but after seeing how emotionally drained the brunette looked, she had reluctantly decided to wait. Forcing Jane to do anything never resulted in anything good. All Maura could do was wait for Jane to come to her. Waiting, however, was proving to be impossible.

Interrupting her thoughts, a light knocking echoed throughout her office. “Hey, Maura. Jane told me to get the autopsy reports on those twins killed in Charlestown.”

Maura looked up from her tissue covered desk to see Detective Frost and Frankie Jr. standing at the door of her office with looks of concern. In embarrassment, she quickly pushed the balled up wads of tissue paper off her desk and into the half-filled wastebasket, hoping her face wasn’t blotchy. “Frost, Frankie…come in. I just put that report in my outbox.”

“Was the diagnosis what Jane expected?”

Maura nodded as the two men sat down, noticing the copious amount of tissues in the wastebasket. “Yes, Det. Frost. Every organ with potential street value was taken post-mortem. Gives a whole new meaning to being an organ donor, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” Frost said with a slight smile, taking the report that Maura was handing him. “Thanks for getting the autopsy done so quick. The family will appreciate it, I’m sure.”

Maura nodded just as Frankie whispered to the detective, “C’mon, Frost. Ask her about you-know-who.”

“If you’re so eager, why don’t you ask her?” Frost spat back in a loud whisper.

“Fine,” Frankie muttered back, turning his attention to the confused blonde. “Have you…um…you know…heard about Jane recently?”

“No.” Maura looked up in thought. “The last time I saw her was at a crime scene last week. She seemed…okay, I guess. Why do you ask?”

The two men looked at each worriedly before Frost leaned forward. “Well…we don’t mean to pry in your personal business but-”

“Jane is being a complete and utter nuisance. She’s bitching at everyone, hardly getting any work done, and she nearly cold-cocked a suspect in the face during interrogation. Everyone is _scared_ of her like the plague. No one knows when’s she’s going to strike next. Cavanaugh wants to put her on evidence management’s rotation. The only thing keeping her from being banished is his fondness for Ma’s cooking,” Frankie interrupted, ignoring Frost’s annoyed glare. “What’s going on with the two of you? First, Eric Weiss shows up and now Jane’s acting like this…”

Hearing Eric’s name gave Maura pause. Even after the Elias incident, she would have expected Jane to say something about his sudden arrival, given how much history the two shared. When had this happened?

Maura clutched the wooden desk tightly. “Eric was here? I thought he was disbarred?”

Frankie rolled his eyes. “Apparently not. He’s coming back to Boston to muck up Jane’s life, again.”

“Oh…okay,” she said impassively. “I’m sorry about Jane being so difficult. I didn’t even notice a change in her behavior.”

Subconsciously lifting her hand up to her neck to hide the hives that would surely come, Maura tried her hardest to remain focused on anything but Eric’s sudden appearance. _Oh my god, what if Jane’s replaced me with him? She wouldn’t…would she?_

Frost, trained to notice small details, noticed Maura’s anxiety and glared at Frankie with a frown. “Frankie, take this report up to Jane.”

“Why don’t you do it?”

“Because I’m a _detective_ and have seniority,” he said through clenched teeth.

Undeterred, Frankie continued, “Well, you’re her _partner_.”

“And you’re her _brother_ , Francesco.” Frost’s mouth curled up in a wicked smirk. “I think I need to tell Jane that you’ve forgotten who the detective is. With her current mood, she’ll drag you to your superior and demand that you get written up. That should be fun to watch.”

“Fine, Barold,” Frankie exclaimed, stressing the detective’s given name. “I’m leaving. Thanks for sending me back into the pit with the menace that is my sister in a bad mood.”

Leaving in a huff, Frankie reluctantly made his way back to the homicide squad room. The elevator announced itself just as Maura managed to grab her EpiPen from her drawer to combat the hives that were beginning to mar her skin. Frost watched with a concerned frown.

“You alright?”

Maura closed her eyes, injecting the epinephrine in her bloodstream. “Yes, I’m fine. I just had a little flare-up, nothing to worry about. Is everything that Frankie said about Jane true?”

Frost sighed, nodding in acknowledgment. “She really is a terror. It all started last week. I’m worried about her. Korsak has never seen her in such a mood and neither have I. Several times I’ve asked her what’s up, but that just seems to make her even more incorrigible. I know she’s in the doghouse. It’s just a matter of what.”

“Actually, it’s more like _I’m_ in the doghouse with _her_.” Feeling the tears starting to flow down, Maura grabbed the half-empty Kleenex box and took out a wad of white tissues. “I did something stupid and now I’m paying the price with heartache and copious amounts of tears.” She blew her runny nose into the tissue, lowering her head with a frown. “She hates me. And you know what? I can’t blame her. I hate myself too.”

“Jane doesn’t hate you, Maura. If she hated you, she wouldn’t be acting like this. Whatever you did or she did or whoever did can’t matter in the grand scheme of things.” Frost looked over at the increasing volume of tissues in Maura’s wastebasket with a frown. “You’re in pain and Jane is definitely hurting. Don’t you think it’s time you two sit down and talk things out? Pride isn’t worth the pain it usually causes.”

She dropped her head to her desk just as a moan of misery rose from her throat. “Tell that to her. Every night I look at my phone and just wish, hope, and pray that she calls but nothing. At this point, I’ll take having an arguing match with her over silence.”

Frost lowered his chin to the wooden surface of her desk, talking to Maura’s arm covered face. “Then talk to her, Maura. If you wait for Jane to see reason we’ll all be solving crimes with cool futuristic devices like on CSI. And you know Division Five in Western Mass. just managed to upgrade from rotary phones, _last year_. It might be awhile.”

“I don’t know… I really hurt her this time, Frost. What if she doesn’t want to talk to me? What if she says no?” Maura mumbled in between sobs, looking out from her arm fortress with shiny hazel eyes. “I don’t think my heart could take another hit.”

“No offense, Maura, but _anything_ , even being turned down, has to be better than crying on your desk in the middle of the day over a woman who’s become the poster girl for being passive-aggressive,” he said sweetly, encouraging the blonde to lift her head up from the desk. “She wants you to talk to her. Hell, she _needs_ you talk to her. If that woman plays ‘Dreaming with a Broken Heart’ one more time in the car, I’m going to eat my gun. It’s _that_ bad. Please, for my sake, talk to her and soon. You’ll feel better, she’ll feel better, and everyone else will breathe a collective sigh of relief.”

With a smile, Frost stood up to leave just as his phone rang quietly at his hip. “C’mon, Jane…I didn’t go to Dorchester.” He breathed deeply before answering the phone with a fake tone of happiness. “Frost…no, I’m downstairs…I sent Frankie upstairs with it…what do you mean he isn’t up there…well, obviously I know you can’t get lost going up an elevator…Jane, you don’t have to get that attitude with me…I’m down here talking to Mau-”

Looking at the cell exasperatedly, he hooked it back to his hip with a frown. “She hung up on me.” Frost turned back to Maura, shrugging. “And this is what I have to deal with. Every day. For 11 hours. Five sometimes six days a week. I love my life,” he muttered sarcastically, waving his leave before adding, “Call her, Maura.”

Frost ran out of the office, leaving Maura alone with her thoughts. As much as she tried to find holes in his logic, she couldn’t deny that Frost had come up with an idea that had building in her own head for some time. Not having Jane in her life was absolutely miserable and clearly Jane felt the same way about her. Waiting for Jane to come to her wasn’t working. If Maura wanted an end to feeling miserable, she had to start the much-needed conversation.

Unexpectedly, the vibration from her own cell phone trembled against her side. She took it out her white doctor’s coat pocket and scrolled through the new text message from the store where she and Jane had bought their dresses for their announcement party this weekend. The dresses had been fitted and were now ready to be picked up.

Instead of feeling surprise at the dresses she had long since forgotten, Maura excitedly jumped up from her chair, grabbing her purse and exiting the office. This was the one thing that could get Jane to come over and talk things out. It was a weak plan, but at least it was something. If Maura rushed, she could catch the store before it closed.

Looking down at her watch, she smiled.

_Plenty of time. This can work, I know it can._


	8. Chapter 8

Inside her walk-in closet, Maura sat waiting for Jane to arrive. Her plan was going well so far. After forcing the store to let her in and breaking every speed limit in her Aston to get home, Maura had called Jane to tell her to come by, hoping Jane wouldn’t let her call go to voicemail. Maura had been surprised to hear the other woman pick up and even more shocked to hear her agree to come by.

For a brief couple of minutes, Maura reflected with a smile, everything had been like it used to be. Just hearing Jane’s sultry voice replicated over the cell-phone connection had been enough to ease her heartache. But talking to Jane made the potential pain of being turned down that much worse. Instead of feeling comforted that her plan was running smoothly, Maura knew that everything hinged on Jane at this point; nothing she did would have any effect unless Jane wanted to talk and, more importantly, listen.

Sighing, her eyes appraised the dwindling section of the closet she had given Jane when the brunette started spending nearly every waking moment at Maura’s house instead of her own apartment. Compared to her carefully maintained and catalogued section of the closet, Jane’s side was…uniquely hers. There was hardly any rhyme or reason to the way Jane shoved t-shirts next to suit jackets except that every piece was wrinkled. No matter how many times Maura advised Jane about the importance of maintaining one’s appearance, the brunette insisted on doing things her own way.

_Jane and I are so individualistic. We’re so used to flying solo in our own lives that we don’t think about what the other needs. I’ve told her that I love her, but I never once considered that she may need to know how important she is to me. No wonder Jane is so insecure regarding our relationship._

The soothing melody of Smashing Pumpkins’ “1979” – yet another musical choice from Jane’s collection – flowed through her ears and provided a brief salve to the ever increasing pain in her heart.

“Why didn’t I see how much you were hurting?” she asked in a whisper, leaning against Jane’s clothes, taking in the woodsy remnants of her perfume. “I’m so miserable without you, Jane…” Maura released a sob as the tears came down yet again. “I need you. Please…come back. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

Unexpectedly, the familiar sound of her doorbell being pushed repeatedly took Maura’s attention away from her pity party. Wiping away the tears, she walked briskly toward her front door with a beaming smile before opening the door to reveal the expectant look of her girlfriend. _She looks so good._

Maura cleared her suddenly dry throat. “Jane…would you like to come in?”

“I can’t,” Jane replied, brown eyes flitting from Maura’s welcoming gaze. “I just got off work and Ma’ is watching Jo for me. Both of them will go crazy if I keep them waiting for too long.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Maura pleaded with a bright smile, hoping she didn’t look as desperate as she sounded. “I’m sure they won’t mind a couple of minutes.” She opened the door wider, allowing the sounds of Beck’s “Timebomb” to echo softly out. “I know how much you love…what is it called? Becker? Come inside for a little bit. Please?”

With a reluctant sigh Jane cautiously walked into Maura’s bright home. “It’s _Beck_ by the way. Not Becker. Becker is an old TV show,” she said. “Do you mind if I call my mom to tell her I’m going to be a little late? Oh my god, did I just say that? I sound like I’m fifteen again…”

“No, it’s alright. I need to get something really quick anyway.”

Maura left for a brief interlude to grab Jane’s dress from the closet. When she came back Jane was preparing to sit down on her couch with a bag of organic potato chips and a bottle of water while taking to her mother about Jo Friday.

Smiling to herself, Maura set the dress down on the kitchen counter and joined her friend on the couch, grabbing the bag of potato chips from Jane’s hands.

“Hey!” the brunette mouthed angrily before turning her attention back to her mother. “Ma’, please, stop arguing and watch Jo for the night. Okay? Thank you. Love you. Bye.”

Jane threw her cell on the coffee table and turned back to the blonde eating her chips. “What are you doing? Those are my chips. You don’t even like that flavor.”

In response to her pouting, Maura gave the bag of chips back. “Ketchup flavored chips aren’t all that bad. Opening a bag of them and eating a fluffernutter sandwich always reminds me of you.”

The sadness in her voice was unmistakable as Maura pleaded with her body to keep the tears at bay. It was embarrassing to be so emotional all of the time, especially when the cause of all of that emotion was sitting across from her with a world-class poker face. Sitting next to the emotional rock that was Jane made her feel like a blubbering bowl of banana pudding.

“Eating coq au vin always reminds me of you,” Jane said reassuringly before releasing a chuckle from her lungs. “I even tried to make it at my apartment last week. I thought maybe it would help with missing you so much but…it didn’t quite work. I had to call the fire department. Apparently, you have to defrost the chicken before you put it in the pan. Who knew, right?”

“If you miss me so much, why don’t you come home?” Maura whispered, hazel eyes demanding Jane’s attention.

“You hurt me, Maura. You cheated on me. With a _man_. It’s one thing to cheat on me with a woman, I can compare to that. But a man…how am I supposed to compete with that? Compare penis sizes?”

“Jane…talking to you is like talking to a child. I can’t make myself more clear that I didn’t cheat on you. With Elias or anyone else for that matter,” she exclaimed exasperatedly. “But you know what? I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what could have happened. I’m sorry for what did happen. If my apology isn’t good enough, fine. If you think putting me through this level of pain is necessary then I’ll endure but…just because you’re hurt doesn’t mean we have to exist on different planets. You’re my best friend. Having you in my life means everything to me.” Maura choked back a sob as the tears finally fell upon her cheeks. “I need you in my life. You’re my best friend, my soul mate, the only person in my life that has never judged me. Ever since I was a child…I’ve looked for someone like you, someone that gave me a sense of belonging. Now that I’ve found it… Listen, Jane, if you want to break up with me because of Eric Weiss or what I did with Elias, fine. But please don’t leave me. Please…,” She pointed at the window with a shaking finger. “You promised me. When you bought me my star, Maura IV…you promised me you’d never leave me. I love you, Jane. I could never want anyone else but you. Please…”

Surprised at Maura’s passionate speech, Jane grabbed a tissue for the crying blonde. “Stop, stop, you’re going to make me cry.”

“Tell me you aren’t going to leave me.”

Jane took Maura up in an embrace. “How could I leave you? I nearly lost you once, remember? Well…actually more like twice if we’re counting the first Elias Incident. Regardless, you and I are sticking together for a long time. Just ‘cause we had a little extended spat, doesn’t mean we’re done. Besides, fighting makes the sex that much sweeter,” Jane said, winking suggestively. “But I don’t think I can match you with all of that romantic fluff, sweetheart. All I know is that you make me happy like no one else can.”

“Then why haven’t you come home?” Maura sobbed against Jane’s neck, clutching her lover like a lifeline. “If you’re still mad at me then fine. I can accept that. But I swear…if you’re having sex with Eric I’m going to…tell Angela where our sex chest is. I’ll even show her some of the toys on the Top 10 list-”

Jane’s mouth dropped. “Oh, dear Mary and Joseph, don’t even think about doing that. The woman is like Bloody fucking Mary. Just saying her name three times makes her appear with a plate of Italian pastries and plentiful amounts of nosiness. But, seriously, what is with you and Eric? Obsessed much?”

Moving from Jane’s arms, Maura pouted sadly. “Frankie told me about him coming back to Boston. He saw the two of you together in the café.”

“Frankie needs to mind his own goddam business or I’ll string his lucky underwear to the flag-post in front of BPD,” Jane growled in frustration. “Eric came to BPD two weeks ago to pick up a residential parking pass and he bumped into my mom. His license to practice law in Massachusetts is being reinstated with the bar. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Oh…thank god.”

“I can’t believe you’d think I’d sleep with Eric over you. I’d have to be drunk, high, and roofied to even consider the idea. Eugh,” she groaned exaggeratedly, making a funny face.

Maura furrowed her eyebrows. “How can you say that? You were going to marry him, weren’t you? He even bought you an engagement ring. Obviously things were pretty serious.”

“Yeah, like a _decade_ ago. That’s a lifetime to a cop.” Jane sighed, running her hand through her hair. “Being engaged to Eric was…a mistake, to say the least. I was in my twenties, working in the drug unit, spending most of my time undercover. The last thing I needed was a marriage. But, with all of the craziness in my life back then, I wanted security and he wanted to offer it. Honestly, the only reason we were engaged was because of my mother and her need to play matchmaker with her hopeless daughter.” A booming laugh broke from her lips as a memory came back. “I swear on my aunt’s grave every time we went somewhere with my ma’ in tow, you could see her mentally singing the matchmaker song from ‘Fiddler on the Roof.’ It was beyond embarrassing.”

“I can imagine,” Maura muttered, noticing Jane’s attention moving away from the conversation and onto her. At first she squirmed uncomfortably under the attention but quickly relaxed as Jane’s darkened eyes met her own. With one look, silent questions were asked, answers were given.

“I’m still mad at you about everything,” Jane whispered softly, kissing the few remaining tears away from Maura’s face.

“I know,” Maura breathed softly, playing with the web of brown tendrils of Jane’s hair. “But you can be mad later.”

With a cumulative growl of relief their lips met passionately in a long-awaited reunion. A sigh broke from Maura’s lips as all of the miserable tension from the last two weeks faded into a more pleasurable wave of energy eagerly building throughout her body.

Maura struggled to restrain the cry that managed to work itself from her lungs as Jane descended from her tear-stained face to more tantalizing areas waiting to be rediscovered after two weeks of absence. But knowing that Angela was no longer a potential interloper to their actions, Maura stopped trying to hold back the screams, groans, and moans that were bubbling up in her throat with each knowledgeable nip made against her neck.

As their kiss extended Maura felt Jane’s playful hands starting to slowly unbutton her black pajama top, excitedly groping the firm porcelain flesh she found with each button released. Each movement was careful, deliberate, as if the other woman was teasing herself with each new piece of skin revealed.

It had been far too long since their last encounter. Each touch ignited a flame into the full-blown inferno that seemed unperturbed by their time apart. Another loud groan erupted from Maura’s lips as the flame continued to build, burning away the sadness, replaced with the ashes of ecstasy. Never had she wanted something so eagerly.

“Jane…you’re awfully…eager,” she panted, leaning back against the sofa and taking Jane down with her.

With the room their new position offered, Maura soon found herself on display for the passionate woman on top of her. The cool draft played havoc against her exposed skin but Maura kept her eyes trained on Jane’s blackened eyes.

“Jane?”

“Hmm?”

“I want you. I want this. But promise me something.”

Maura’s opened top shifted slightly to reveal her beautifully proportioned breasts which, unsurprisingly, quickly grabbed Jane’s full focus. She knew how much Jane got off on her breasts. The taller woman was practically drooling, her eyes glazed over, hands twitching in excitement as she debated which delectable globe of soft flesh she would savor first.

Poking Jane in her exposed navel, – one of her few ticklish areas – Maura smiled at her girlfriend’s strangled attempt at a laugh. “Promise me you won’t do a fuck-and-run,” she whispered, playing with the long loose curls of Jane’s hair.

“Yeah…ok,” Jane growled. “God, Maura, I’ve missed you so much.”

Maura rolled her eyes. “Promise, Jane.”

Sighing, Jane reluctantly moved her dark eyes away from Maura’s breasts. “I promise you, Maura Isles, that I, Jane Rizzoli, will not do a fuck-and-run and will stay with my girlfriend to give her adequate time to have post-sex cuddle-time and or conversation. Is that good enough?”

“Stop being such a smarty-pants.” Maura grabbed a pillow and threw it at the smirking brunette. “Let’s move this to a more comfortable room. I’m getting far too old to be having athletic sex on a couch.”

“You’ll never be old to me.”

Maura laughed, dragging the woman off the couch by her shirt. “You’re such a sycophant.”

“Umm…is that a good thing?”

“Yes,” Maura smiled. “It’s a very good thing.”

\---

With a groan of exhaustion, Jane rolled off of her equally exhausted girlfriend, licking the tangy sweetness from her swollen lips.

“I see why you wanted to move to the bed,” she muttered, turning to face Maura with a wan smile. “You needed room to work your magic.”

Maura giggled, stretching lazily. “Magic is just an illusion. What we just did was certainly not an illusion.”

“Trust me, I know. My whole body is on fire,” Jane whispered reverently. “I’m pretty sure that last thing you did with your tongue is illegal in several states. It felt like you were trying to eat me alive.”

“You didn’t seem to mind.”

“No,” she muttered, staring at the long expanse of her lover with an amused smile. “I sure as hell didn’t.”

Silence took hold over the two women as they both sat with their own individual thoughts. As Maura’s eyes wandered over Jane’s prone body she saw the same level of relaxation that she felt reflected back at her.

“I picked up our dresses for the party,” Maura stated.

In response, Jane sighed heavily, lifting herself up from the bed.

“If you don’t want to go, given everything, I’d understand.” Taking Jane’s hand, Maura struggled to keep the building hurt from her voice. “I can always go by myself.”

Jane shook her head in confusion. “What? Are you kidding me? No, no, no. Unless I misunderstood your little speech earlier, we’re still together. Which means you and me are going to that party. Unless…you don’t want to go.”

“No.”

Jane’s eyebrows raised and Maura frowned, quickly clarifying her previous statement, “Not no that I don’t want to go. I meant no about not wanting to go. Telling everyone that we’re in a relationship would be stressful even at the best of times. And we aren’t exactly in the best form after…everything.” Maura lifted herself up, embracing Jane’s slim frame. “We need time to work on _us_. The last thing we need is to put undue stress on our relationship for something that can be easily rescheduled. Jane…you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“You’re so cute when you worry. Your face gets all squinty like you just ate a lemon,” Jane purred, pushing the golden brown waves from Maura’s upturned face. “Honey, don’t worry about me. I’m a homicide detective. I live off stress. It’s like my fertilizer.” Her eyes narrowed in seriousness. “Please, let me do this. I love you. Nothing, and I mean nothing, has changed that. I just… I want…to show everyone that you’re mine and I’m yours. Don’t worry.”

Maura moved back from Jane’s embrace with a coy smile. “Sounds like you have something big planned. Should I be worried?”

“Hardly,” Jane grinned in a mysterious way, clearly thinking hard about something known only to her. “Being away from you for two weeks gave me some time to think about what’s important,” she leaned back against the pillows, taking Maura with her. “Now, do you think we can have cuddle-time? I really missed cuddling with you these last two weeks. I’ve been an absolute wreck without you.”

“Trust me I know.” Maura laughed. She happily entered Jane’s waiting embrace with a bright smile. “But can I ask a favor?”

“Anything,” she replied back in a sleepy mumble, grasping the blonde possessively.

“Could you tell your mother to stop making me pancakes shaped like cats and rainbows? It’s really odd…”

Jane’s eyes closed, holding Maura close after pulling the covers over their exhausted bodies.

“That’s my ma’ for you. Weird, loud, nosy…the list goes on. Funny, though. She’s been doing the same thing to me. I wonder…” Jane whispered just as sleep took hold over the two women.


	9. Chapter 9

“You look magnificent, Maura.”

Maura gave Jane a small smile before returning her focus to her reflection in the full-length mirror in her closet. The intricate silver swirling pattern on the slinky Oscar de la Renta evening gown caught the muted lighting, highlighting Maura’s fit body. She had been slightly worried that the dress would be a little too sexy for her mother’s white-tie themed party but as Maura’s eyes took in the matching understated heels and her hair pulled back in an elegant chignon, she felt the tensions subside. Before now she had just seen the collective look in her head but seeing the entire outfit on her body for the first time was beyond incredible. _I guess I do look pretty damn good, money well-spent._

“You don’t look half-bad either,” Maura said appreciatively, glancing at her girlfriend’s luxurious image in the reflection.

Jane was wearing the same dress with the elaborate bow that she had tried on several weeks ago but with one critical difference. In a sudden last minute decision, she had decided to straighten her hair – a first for both of them. Instead of arguing with Jane over who would pay for the salon, Maura had done the straightening process at home, turning the affair into another opportunity to catch up with each other after their two weeks apart. For the entire day, she and Jane had readied each other for this party and they were feeling good as a result. Despite Jane’s nervousness, Maura knew they were ready.

Or as ready as we’ll ever be, Maura thought cynically, noticing for the hundredth time how anxious Jane was. The taller woman looked like the queen of the ball but, for some reason, she was jumping around like her horse, Mannequin, did right before a competition in college. Maura was worried. Something was putting Jane on edge.

“Okay,” Maura said decisively, turning to take the other woman by the shoulders. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. I can practically hear the gears turning in there. And you’re acting like you have termites in your wood.”

Jane frowned, tilting her head slightly in confusion. “You mean ‘ants in my pants?’”

“Yes. That. So, spill.”

“It’s nothing,” she replied dismissively. “I can’t believe Constance decided to have the party at her house. I didn’t even think Constance had a house in Boston since she’s always living out of her Gulfstream.”

“My mother does not have a Gulfstream…” Jane’s unwavering eyes caused her to deflate slightly under the strength of her gaze. “She has a Learjet. But…that’s because her art exhibitions are frequently all over the world. Travelling in comfort is very important to my mother.”

Jane rolled her eyes before walking out of the closet. “I’m sure it is. A Learjet costs, oh I don’t know, 10 million? And that’s not even factoring in maintenance costs. Did your dad catch a ride on the jet also or does he have his own luxury yacht to ride in on?”

“Actually my father does have a yacht. He named it after my mother when she bought it for their fifteenth wedding anniversary.” Maura closed her eyes as nostalgia came upon her. “I used to love flying into Saint-Tropez as a teenager, getting on the yacht with my father, and having a grand tour of all the various Grecian islands. If you ever get the chance, honey, tanning on Mykonos is just divine. It’s almost as much fun as surfing at Ipanema and hanging out with the local artists. Oh the whimsical nature of youth,” she mused, hardly noticing Jane’s slack-jawed expression.

Jane released a surprised gasp. “Wait…what? Maura, you can surf?”

Maura nodded happily. “Yes… I haven’t told you that? I don’t do it that much anymore. Back in my youth, I was fairly good. Honestly, I just did it to meet new people. I can teach you if you want. My father has a summer home in Tahiti. We could go and make it a holiday. That would be so much fun, don’t you think? Sex on the beach, endless sun, waves…”

“Maura…stop rambling. We need to get through this first _before_ we start planning summer getaways in exotic locations.” Jane sighed exasperatedly. “We’re going to be late.”

Leaving the closet, Maura walked out and took the small clutch Jane offered. “How can we be late to something where we are the guests of honor, Jane? The party doesn’t start until we show up.”

“That’s a great sentiment but I…kind of need to get something from Frost before we start mingling with the guests. I don’t want to get there so late that I don’t have a chance to get it.” Jane grabbed her own clutch before snatching up the keys to the Aston. “I’m driving. The last thing I can tolerate is you putt-putting around Boston like you’re Miss Daisy.”

“But you don’t know where my mother’s house is,” Maura exclaimed, taking long strides after Jane, who had now reached the front door. “And who’s Miss Daisy? Is that a reference I’m supposed to be aware of?”

Just as Jane opened the front door, she immediately extended her hand, blocking the exit. “How can you not know who Miss Daisy is? ‘Driving Ms. Daisy’? It’s a movie. You know, like a motion picture. It won several Oscars including Best Picture. This is ridiculous… At least tell me you know who Belle is. If you don’t know who Belle is, you’ve officially lost your American citizenship.”

“Of course I know who Belle is. It’s ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ When it first came out, I saw it in French with my mother in Paris. Seeing it in English…something is lost in the translation,” Maura reminisced with a slight frown.

Jane shook her head before lowering her arm to allow the blonde to pass. “Really? I don’t know whether I should be in awe or laugh. You’re such a goofball,” she whispered lovingly, playing with the keys before walking over to the passenger door of the Aston. “Are you cold? Let me get your coat.”

Maura shook her head as Jane opened the car door for her. “No, I’m fine.”

With a frown, Jane shrugged her own coat off her shoulders and gently placed it on Maura’s shoulders. “You’re shivering. I don’t want you to get a cold.”

“Actually, the common cold is spread via virus. The temperature of the environment has nothing to do with the cold itself but results in the lowering of the immune response to fight off the virus. The idea that a person is more susceptible to colds in lower temperatures is just an old wives’ tale built on folk stories.” Maura noticed Jane’s patient face and smiled. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”

“Trust me, I know. The last time I told you not to tell me about one of your factoids, you went blue in the face from the struggle.” Holding Maura’s hand, Jane helped her into the leather interior of the Aston. “Can you start the car up and put in the directions to Constance’s house on the GPS? It’ll save us some time.”

“Can I get a please?” Maura asked sweetly, batting her eyes up at the brunette.

Jane didn’t hesitate. “Please.”

“Thank you, Jane.”

Closing the door, Maura pushed the engine start button and started putting in the coordinates for her mother’s home. She had hoped that her goofiness would soothe the detective’s anxiety but it didn’t work. Jane was still a bundle of nerves. For some reason, Jane’s mentioning of Frost had made it even worse.

As Jane opened the car door, frown still in place, and quickly got in the car.

“You okay?” Jane asked, clutching the steering wheel like a lifeline.

Maura caressed her shoulder. “Are you?”

“Yeah…I’m just…uh, excited to meet everyone.”

Deciding to let that obvious lie go, Maura took her hand back and leaned back in the seat.

_I’m sure Jane will be fine… She’s probably just anxious over the party._

\---

As Jane drove the Aston into the gated country club on the wealthy outskirts of Boston, Maura watched her girlfriend’s rapidly changing facial expressions in response to the mansions they passed, ranging from amazement to shock. Each home was bigger than the last as if their occupants were in a competition to prove their status to each other. And nothing has changed, Maura reflected sadly, hating all of the excessive opulence. When she was a child, she had desperately looked for a way out of this gilded lifestyle and it felt odd to come back after twenty years of staying away. Maura was no longer that same little girl that felt like a stranger in the only family she had ever known. She now had two moms, two dads, and a woman that would always love her unconditionally. _Then why do I still feel so worried?_

Turning her head to gaze at the slack-jawed brunette driving carefully through the various well-paved streets of the country club, Maura knew her anxiety was directly connected to the woman beside her. This party would be the first time Jane would see her childhood home. Despite feeling little to no real attachment to the place – only spending a couple of cumulative years in the place given her childhood desire to leave the unwelcome nest – Maura still worried about how Jane would perceive all of the overt wealth and sophistication that came with being around her mother.

Jane sighed as the GPS announced another upcoming turn. “I can’t believe you used to live here in Stepford.”

“Hardly,” Maura quipped. “You know from my fifth birthday, I’ve been in my all-girls boarding school. During the summer and winter breaks, I’d just meet my father or mother to travel abroad. This place is no more a home to me than it is to you.”

“Well, thank God for small miracles. I’d hate it if you’d turned out to be a robot like these people.”

Suddenly, Maura’s phone rang in her lap and she looked down with a frown at the name flashing ominously on the screen.

“Who’s that? If it’s your mother, tell her that we’re nearly there…I guess. I have no idea because the GPS refuses to stop taking me around the Old-Money roundabout,” Jane said through clenched teeth.

Maura frowned. “No, it’s not her. Promise you won’t get mad.”

Jane narrowed her eyes. “Too late,” she said, beckoning Maura to give her the phone. As soon as she processed the name on the screen, Jane’s body tensed, an uncontrolled growl coming from her lips. “Of all the times…why is _he_ calling you in the middle of the night, Maura?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t normally call so late.”

Pulling the Aston over to the side of the road, Jane turned in the seat, holding the still vibrating phone like it had an incurable disease. “What? You’ve been talking to Elias…even after everything we went through with him? I nearly lost you to this sonovabitch. _Twice_ , Maura,” Jane exclaimed passionately, eyes burning bright with the need to protect. “You know what, we’re dealing with this. Once and for all.”

“Jane…wait, he just needs a friend.”

Jane raised the phone to her ear with a frown. “Then he needs to create a Facebook account and get some,” she muttered angrily.

An electronic male voice resounded through the car as Maura watched the inevitable confrontation with a worried expression. Yes, she had been talking with Elias in the past two weeks but just as a friend. Despite her earlier misguided attraction and his flirtatious charm, she knew that he felt nothing for her on an intimate level. Elias respected the love Maura had for Jane. He understood the boundaries. Why was Jane acting so protective all of sudden? Was she not allowed to have friends?

“Hey, Maura...oh wait, is that Jane? You sound good,” Elias enthused. “I’m sorry for interrupting the two of you but I wanted to tell Maura that I’m officially retired.”

“Okay…”

Elias, sensing the tension in Jane’s voice, deflated slightly but continued onward, “And could you tell her that I’ve decided to take her advice? I’m going to take up something I love, flowers. My father would have a fit if he knew, but this is my life to live, not his.”

“That’s great, really,” Jane said with false enthusiasm. “I’ll make sure to tell her. Could you do something for me?”

“Sure. What do you need?”

Jane gave Maura a bright smile. “As much as I understand Maura has male friends that she enjoys chatting with, I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop calling her so late. We’re about to go to a party being thrown for us and it’s really important that we get there on time. Talking to you is kinda hindering my ability to do that. I hope I’m not being rude,” she said tactfully, causing Maura to raise an eyebrow in surprise.

With quickly given pleasantries, Jane hung up and tossed the phone back at Maura. Her hands took hold of the wheel and started up the Aston again and the two women began their tour through the exclusive country club to get to their destination. Besides the methodical slightly inhuman voice of the GPS, silence weighed upon the two women as Jane negotiated the streets with a face that revealed little.

In exasperation, Maura decided to break the silence. “What did he want?”

Jane’s eyes twitched slightly over to Maura before returning back to the road. “He’s retiring, following your advice, and working with flowers. I’m guessing he means he’s becoming a florist. Good for him, I suppose.”

Maura chuckled with a smile. “Flowers? Hmm…that’s different. A grown man arranging flowers does seem slightly gay but who am I to talk? He deserves happiness.”

Jane rolled her eyes, ignoring the red flag that was Elias. “And what about you? Are you happy…with me?”

“Nothing makes me happier than being with you, Jane,” Maura brimmed. “The only thing that could possibly make me happier is having a mini Clementine giggling around the house and taking her to mommy and me classes.”

Jane choked slightly before managing to clear her suddenly dry throat. “What…wait…are you…are you talking about kids? Having kids? With me?”

Maura furrowed her eyebrows. “You’re the only woman I know named Clementine so…yeah.”

“We’re not even married yet!”

“Jane, honey, you talk about kids _before_ you get married not after. That’s how mistakes happen and then you end up with two kids named Regret and Oops.” Maura turned her head away from Jane with a frown. “And I wouldn’t want any child to feel like that, the way I felt,” she added in a barely audible whisper.

Jane turned down a long paved gated driveway that opened as the Aston approached. “Well, I don’t think we have to worry about that, Maura. We both lack the critical element needed to complete the baby equation,” she said sardonically, her eyes travelling upward as the GPS announced their arrival. “Oh my sweet goodness, is that your house?”

Turning her focus to the image in front of her, Maura nodded as the house came into view. Even though she had little emotional attachment to the place, she had to admit that the home was an exact physical replica of her mother and father’s similar yet distinct personalities.

Made out of sturdy logs and dramatic cut panels of clear glass, the home was aesthetically beautiful in a modern style yet utilitarian and natural at the same time. A perfect blending of two people that loved each other completely, so much so that they had had no room left for her in their lives when she was a child.

Her adoptive parents loved her, Maura knew that much, but it was an odd form of love developed mainly out of resigned acceptance. No matter how much her father tried to assuage her, she always felt like the easy to please orphan taken in because they were unable to have a child of their own.

Suddenly, Maura’s attention was brought back to her girlfriend as she rolled down the window to talk to the men standing near the end of the driveway.

“I’m guessing you’re not just standing here for the benefit of your health are you?” Jane asked the nearest man with a playful smile.

The young man returned her smile. “No, ma’am. I handle all of Mrs. Isles’ guests’ needs. I can handle parking your Aston for you.”

“Thanks,” Jane said as several men raced to help her and Maura from the car.

Gratefully taking the hand that was offered, Maura exited the Aston. She shrugged off Jane’s jacket, waiting patiently for her girlfriend to join her. After a brief moment, Jane came from the driver’s side of the vehicle with an excited smile painted across her face.

“You see that?” Jane pointed enthusiastically up at the starry sky.

Maura looked up at Jane’s extended hand quizzically. “I guess the nail polish does look fairly good at night, Jane. Why do you always have to be right all of time?”

“What? No, no, no,” she exclaimed, making a more aggressive pointing gesture at particular red dot in the sky. “Look. It’s Maura IV, honey. That’s a good sign. Everything is going to go great tonight. I just know it.”

Maura squinted at the small red dot in the sky with an amused smile. “Jane, I keep trying to tell you that you can’t see Maura IV without a telescope. It’s a bright star but not _that_ bright. You’re pointing at Betelgeuse.”

“Way to ruin the romance, Maura.”

“Sorry.” Maura laughed at Jane’s comical pouting face. “But we don’t need Maura IV to give us luck. Everything is going to go fine. We’re just telling our friends and family that we’re together. Nothing crazy. It’s not like you’re going to ask my hand in marriage or anything.”

Jane coughed loudly as Maura dragged her toward the Isles’ home like a rag doll.

“Yeah, nothing crazy,” she whispered to herself, hoping the words would give her some much needed courage.


	10. Chapter 10

Jane walked into Constance’s extravagant home, shock written on her face. She had thought the outside of the large home was fantastic but inside was on a whole different level of sophistication that Jane could only dream about. Most of the house was blocked from visitor access – presumably to keep the guests from Constance’s inner sanctum – but the dining room area was so beautiful, no one noticed the limited access.

The artistic glass panels that had been carefully constructed on the exterior created a breathtaking view of the night sky unmarred by the chaotic energy of Boston proper. Jane could hardly process what the place looked like with the natural light of the sun coming through the windows. A few pieces of Constance’s personal art collection were displayed in the large room but the main focus, a large hand-carved wooden table in the middle of the room, nearest the glass windows. Most of the guests in the room were mingling with each other in the same high-class dress as Jane’s attire which gave her some slight ease but that was just an afterthought.

The importance of finding Frost before her and Maura had to give their big announcement was her primary concern. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, Jane thought. It wasn’t too late to turn back if she wanted to. But Jane didn’t want to turn back. She wanted to do this, needed to go through with this.

In need of reassurance, Jane reached out for Maura’s hand. “Everyone looks really nice, don’t you think? I never thought I’d see Korsak in a tailcoat.”

“Yes, everyone looks quite debonair,” she observed, looking down at their connected hands with a smile. “Jane… Something is making you nervous and I know it has nothing to do with our announcement. What’s going on? And don’t you dare lie to me. I can read your face like a book.”

Jane’s eyes drifted slightly before she continued to look around the small crowd. “Don’t worry. I’m fine. There’s Frost. Will you be alright by yourself for a couple of minutes?”

Maura nodded and Jane walked over to meet Frost near one of the displayed art pieces. As she walked up, he gave her feminine appearance a big smile. “Well, who’s this vision walking up to me? Jane? Jane Rizzoli, is that you? Get out of here, I didn’t know there was a woman underneath all of those charcoal pantsuits,” he joked.

Jane played along with him, turning as if she was leaving, but soon dropped the act. The smell of her mother’s cooking wafted throughout the room told her that she didn’t have that long until the dinner started. When that happened there wouldn’t be any time to talk to Frost.

“Do you have it?” Jane asked anxiously. “Tell me you have it, Frost.”

Frost dropped the smile and became serious. “Of course. When you asked me to do a favor, I went out of my way to make it happen.” He fished out a small red velvet box from his coat pocket. “It wasn’t that hard to get the size right. It should be perfect but if it isn’t feel free to take it into my mother to resize it. When I asked her to make it for you, she thought I was getting married again. You sure you want to do this, Jane? Once you do something like this, it’s next to impossible to back out without hurting her.”

“I know. Trust me I’ve thought about it. This is what I need to do for her, to show her how much she means to me,” Jane said decisively, grabbing the small velvet box. She opened the box to reveal a bright red-orange opal ring that flashed brilliantly even in the muted atmosphere of the party. When she had described what she had in mind for the promise ring to Frost’s mother, Jane had hardly expected this kind of outcome. The ring was utterly perfect. Frost’s mother had really outdone herself.

As Cavanaugh walked past the two of them with a smile, Jane quickly closed the box and tucked it in her clutch. “It’s beautiful. Thanks for this, Frost. I might have to name my first-born after you if Maura accepts.”

“I’ll take you up on that. The world would be a better place with another Barold or Baroldina,” Frost mused. “I didn’t know you two were talking about kids already. That sounds _pretty_ serious.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Maybe. Hopefully. I’m just trying to focus on the present at the moment. But I do know that I’m not going to consider naming my daughter Baroldina.”

“Sister Winifred thinks my name is ‘very substantial’. Your daughter would be honored to be named Baroldina…in my opinion.”

Jane laughed. “Well thank god the world doesn’t run on your opinion,” she said sarcastically, noticing Maura coming over to her from another part of the room.

With an anxious smile, Maura nodded at Frost before turning toward Jane. “My mother wants us to do our announcement first before everyone sits down for dinner. Are you ready? We can wait if you need some time to prepare…”

“No, I’m ready. Ready as I’ll ever be.”

\---

Jane and Maura stood before the large windows as the guests before them waited patiently for the announcement that had brought them together. Everyone who meant something to the both of them was there: Frost, Korsak, Cavanaugh, her mother, Frankie Jr., and even Tommy had managed to scrounge up the money to show up. Given her earlier anxiety, Jane had expected to be nearly overcome with nervousness but she was just ready to tackle this obstacle in order to move on to the next. Even if Maura turned down her ring at least Jane could say she tried. There was no harm in trying, especially when her heart was this invested.

Closing her eyes, Jane breathed in deeply for a brief moment before opening them to give Maura a bright smile.

“Do you mind if I take the lead with this?” Jane asked calmly.

Maura raised an eyebrow but returned her smile. “Sure. Don’t rush and remember to _enunciate_. We don’t want you to start mumbling and rambling like at the Hero Banquet last year.”

“Thank you, Grammar Police,” Jane muttered before turning back to the small crowd of familiar and unfamiliar faces waiting patiently. _It’s showtime._

“Hello, everyone. I’ve…uh…never done this before. Excuse my nervousness.” Jane coughed. “Well, I’m not going to waste time. I’ve known Maura for…a long time. She’s always been there for me with humor or advice, even when I didn’t ask for it. I’ve always appreciated that. But when I nearly lost everything, I…knew how much she means to me. How much I need her.” Jane grabbed Maura’s hand. “Maura’s my best friend. And she’s my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for over a year now.”

Jane stopped her speech as she waited for the inevitable sound of shock, surprise, or even anger but…nothing. Besides a resounding hmm from Maura’s father, everyone seemed to still be relatively relaxed after her confession which was surprising in and of itself.

Maura turned to Jane. “That went well,” she said optimistically.

With a smile, Jane clutched her hand and turned her body to Maura, ignoring the crowd of family and friends in front of her. “Maura, I love you.”

“I love you too, Jane.”

“I know. Even with everything we’ve been through, you’ve never stopped loving me and I’ve never stopped loving you. But love is nothing without commitment,” she said, taking out the small velvet box before taking off her heels to lower down awkwardly to one knee. _I should have worn pants…_ “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You and only you.”

Maura covered her mouth as Jane’s trembling hand released Maura’s to open the small velvet box. The light hit the red opal ring, causing a shocked cry to escape from the blonde’s lips. Jane was unsure whether that was a good reaction or not, but she was determined to continue onward. Oddly, the only thought that crossed her mind was a simple chant from one of Maura’s favorite movies: “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.”

“I know we’re hardly ready to get married. We’d be crazy to do that after…”

Elias, Jane thought miserably, wishing she could blame everything on him but knowing it would be immature to do so. She was the one with the jealousy issues built out of her own insecurities. Elias had nothing to do with that. Until they got that sorted out as a couple, marriage would be out of the question, if they were smart.

Jane sighed heavily. “But I want you to know how much you mean to me. How committed I am to you and us. I can’t propose to you now but I promise you that I will. This ring is a reflection of that promise,” she took out the ring and slid it on Maura’s left ring finger with an expectant smile. “Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful but why the color?” Maura mumbled softly in a daze, enraptured by the burning brilliance of the ring now on her finger.

“I remembered how happy you looked when I bought you Maura IV for your birthday. Seeing you that happy…it made me happy, also. But a star is over three light-years away and you need a telescope to see it so… I wanted you to have your own piece of Maura IV so you’ll always know how much you mean to me, Maura.”

“You…you didn’t have to do this,” Maura whispered, eyes still lost in the rapidly changing shades of fiery orange and rainbow shades.

Jane lifted back up to her full height, now able to gaze at Maura’s blank face of absolute wonder. The only time she had seen that expression was when they had first made love all too long ago; when she had shown Maura her star at the planetarium; and now, when she was promising to marry her. _I must be doing something right._

Grasping Maura’s shaking hand, Jane lifted it to the light, causing the opal to burst into multicolored flame. As their gazes locked, her hazel eyes blazed with a passion that was normally caged away. Jane knew all of the ways to coax the beast from its cage. She had it sniffing around the perimeter but Jane knew it could be pushed further. One last push…

“I know I didn’t have to. But I _wanted_ to. I _needed_ to. It’s so hard for me to get my words together around you because I always muddle things up. Like when I told you that I didn’t want to marry you. I…never should have said that but I did and I’m sorry. That’s why I prefer actions over words. I don’t like something, you’ll know about. Hell, I almost punched a guy out in interrogation last week because he was obviously lying and I wasn’t in a good mood to begin with,” Jane chuckled at the memory of a grown man crying on the floor after nearly having an intimate conversation with her fist. “So, do you like it? Will you accept my promise ring? If not, I can take it back…”

Maura’s passion now fully released, she smiled, tears beginning to fall.

“Jane…I…of course I’ll accept.”

The two women jumped in shock as they heard a cheer from the forgotten crowd.

Jane beamed, taking Maura into a passionate embrace. “I love you so much.”

“Me too,” Maura replied, her smile just as radiant. “Now, I think you should seal your promise with a kiss.”

Jane took Maura’s salty, sweet lips with hers. Aware of their audience, Jane tried to maintain some restraint but Maura was determined to kindle Jane’s own heated passion, clearly unperturbed by their audience. As a growl threatened to bubble over as Maura continued to batter her closed lips, trying to gain access to her tongue, a small cough from Maura’s father stopped their passionate embrace short.

“Maura, dear, there is a time and place for physical displays of affection with a loved one but in front of friends and family may not be it,” Maura’s father said with an amused smile.

Maura separated herself from Jane reluctantly, caging the passion for a more private occasion. Jane sighed before placing her heels back on her bare feet. Normally, she would have been annoyed by the interruption but Maura’s father had a point. There was no need to be overly expressive with their love. Jane was hardly an exhibitionist…at least, not in front of her family and friends.

Jane smiled bashfully at the crowd. “So…that’s it. Umm…yeah, me and Maura. How come no one seems surprised?”

The crowd laughed and Frankie stepped forward with a smile. “Because you two have been so close lately, Helen Keller could have picked up the vibe. C’mon, Jane. We’re all adults. It wasn’t that difficult to put together.”

Suddenly, Angela came from the crowd wearing an apron, tears coming from her eyes. “I’m just so happy for you, honey. I never thought I’d see you with…a woman but if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

With a quick hug, Jane gave her mother a quick hug. “Thanks, ma’. Your support means a lot.”

Unexpectedly, Tommy, his coattails horribly askew, came out of the crowd with a confused look.

“Hey, what happened? I went to the bathroom, but I couldn’t find it. Then I couldn’t figure out how to flush the toilet or to wash my hands. It took me like ten minutes. I got so frustrated I just used that mini toilet instead.”

Maura’s father shook his head in amusement. “You realize that was the bidet?”

“What’s a bidet? Is that a fancy word for itty bitty washbasin?”

“Never mind, I’m sure Constance will explain it to you later and share your reaction to the rest of us. Continue.”

“Well, after all that, I got lost coming back. Somehow I ended up outside and the valet guys looked at me like I was the Pink Panther trying to make off with the family jewels. And I’ve got a big ass wet spot on my pants because of the bidet thingie. Why does the water shoot up in a washbasin, anyway?” Tommy said in exasperation, completely oblivious to the shocked look on everyone’s face. “So…what did I miss?”

Jane shook her head with a frown. “Tommy…you’ve got to be kidding me. Only you could have such an elaborate story just from getting lost to the bathroom.”

“Why’s everyone staring at me? Is it the wet spot ‘cause I certainly did not jizz on myself.”

Jane released a booming laugh as she guided Tommy to the dinner table with Maura close behind. “Well…how about Maura and I fill you in on what a bidet is, and we’ll work our way from there.”

“So…it’s not an itty bitty washbasin?” Tommy frowned.

“Umm…kinda,” Jane began, looking back at Maura for assistance. “But not in the way you’re thinking.”

“I don’t understand…”

“A bidet is commonly used washing one’s anus, buttocks, or genitalia after a…bodily excretion. It’s seen usually in European restrooms, particularly French, as a way to clean areas completely,” Maura explained, completely oblivious to the awkwardness of the situation.

Tommy’s mouth dropped in shock. “So you’re saying…”

“It’s far cleaner than using toilet paper alone. Did you know, the University of Toronto determined that bacteria remnants from fecal or urine outputs were considerably higher for those who used toilet paper alone in comparison to those who used the bidet as a substitute? For those who suffer from frequent UTIs, it was a revolutionary finding. Yet, bidets have not caught on in American restrooms…I wonder why?”

“Eugh…Jane, did I really wash my hands in water used to clean up remnants of shit and piss from some big guy’s fat ass?”

Maura shook her head. “Let’s remember to be gender inclusive.”

Jane smiled. “Yeah, you did, bro. But, on a positive, Maura and I are dating each other.”

“What the fuck?” Tommy screamed, interrupting the party for a second time. “You mean you guys are like doing 69 and all that…regularly?”

Looking at Jane with an amused smile, Maura raised an eyebrow. “Well, we haven’t done that position in a couple of weeks. It can be a strain on the body. But we have been smitten lately with the suspended congress position. We got a new strap-on so we’ve been using it _a lot._ ” She turned to Jane, ignoring Tommy’s clear distress. “Jane, honey, you can speak for the joy the position provides. God knows you love to have me top with it. Your sister can be such a pleasure fiend when she wants to be, Tommy.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Tommy said before running off in the general direction of the front door.

“That was cruel,” Jane whispered, taking Maura by the hand.

“Really? Sometimes I struggle with social cues. Oops,” Maura said, coquettishly. “But I thought guys liked imagining two attractive women having sex?”

“Usually not if one of those women is their sister, Maura.” Jane kissed Maura’s hand romantically. “But I’m sure he’ll get over it…eventually. Until then, however, you can introduce me to your father. He looks like a character.”


	11. Chapter 11

“No, no, no. Jane, I told you,” Maura exclaimed carefully, staring at the half-empty apartment. “Either bring the ratty couch or the unnecessary mattress. Not both.”

Jane wiped some sweat off of her brow as she came in from the empty bedroom. “Whatcha say?”

With annoyed sigh, Maura sat down on the couch in question. After their successful coming out party they had decided to finally finish up Jane’s moving in. There wasn’t much for them to move in, though. Most of the day had been spent doing some much needed dusting and cleaning of the apartment before Jane could turn the key back into the landlord but if they kept going at this pace, Maura knew they weren’t going to be leaving anytime soon.

It was only midafternoon but still. There was no need for Jane’s deciding what went in the U-Haul to take _four_ hours. Dressed in a pair of Jane’s comfy sweatpants and a St. Moritz skiing competition shirt from her childhood, Maura was looking forward to returning home before anyone she knew saw her wearing such an outfit.

If there was one thing she had learned today it was that moving out was far less fun than moving in.

A sudden burst of sunlight caused a rainbow of color to hit Maura’s eyes. Looking down at the still unfamiliar flash of red light on her ring finger mesmerized her as it had done since the party. Each time she saw the ring on her finger brought an equally unfamiliar rise of emotion. She was unsure of how to even describe the feeling. Maura supposed it was a sense of belonging and responsibility but even that wasn’t quite right.

All Maura knew was that she had long searched for this feeling since she was a child. And now I’ve found it, she thought. Her heart sang its happiness with a rapid fluttering crescendo.

“It’s weird seeing it on your finger, isn’t it?” Jane asked, sitting down next to Maura.

Maura shrugged. “Yeah, a little bit. Sometimes I look at it and I wonder why it’s there. Then I remember…”

“And you feel a really good surge of emotion?”

“Yes, something like that,” Maura said, gazing at the plain engraved silver band on Jane’s ring finger. “It’s so odd. I know that a ring is nothing more than a symbol of possession. But…I don’t care. The emotions that I feel whenever I look down and see your ring on my finger and mine on yours…they are impossible to quantify accurately.”

Jane took Maura’s hand, marveling at the way their two rings complemented each other. “And you don’t have to. Love isn’t an equation, honey. If it makes you feel better, I feel the same way. ” With a mischievous smile, she looked down at the couch briefly. “But speaking of equations… I think bringing the couch and the mattress are vital to our future happiness as a couple.”

Maura rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Are you seriously banking our relationship on a _couch_ and a _mattress_?”

“Yes,” Jane deadpanned. “Yes, I am. They have memories, Maura. You told me how you felt about me on this couch. We made love for the first time on that mattress. Think of them as mementos in our relationship. It would be horribly bad luck to get rid of a memento."

“Really? Bad luck?” Maura said with melodramatic concern. “Well, when you put it that way…”

“So I can bring both?”

“No,” Maura exclaimed, standing up from the couch. “But that was a good try, though.”

“Why not?” Jane pouted with an angry childish stamp of her foot.

“Because, Jane. Because, there is simply _no room_.”

“Well…maybe we should buy a bigger house,” Jane said under her breath.

Maura made a face of utter surprise before rolling her eyes. “ _Or_ maybe we should stop changing the subject to topics we aren’t prepared to discuss as a couple. Either the couch or the mattress, Jane. Pick one or the other.”

“I don’t need to pick one or the other. I told you that we could put both the mattress and the couch with the rest of my stuff in Bass’s bedroom. Then we’ll…put them in the guesthouse. See? Problem solved,” Jane said, pleased with her pragmatic solution.

In shock, Maura gasped. “Jane…no. That brilliant idea is the same one you suggested _five_ days ago. The one I said no to. Repeatedly. Changing the word order of an idea doesn’t change the context of said idea. And the answer is still no. It is out of the question. Bass is already being assaulted with anxiety over his rapidly changing living environment. He cries all of the time. He’s confused because he understands that he’s no longer my cuddle-buddy. I think he’s suffering from depression. Anymore and he’ll have a heart attack. You know how much he values-”

“A secure and familiar living environment,” Jane interrupted, imitating Maura’s voice perfectly. “Trust me, I know. You’ve told me it so much that I dream about it.”

She stood up with a heavy sigh, stalking toward Maura with a predatory glare. “I guess we’re at an impasse. I wonder how we can solve this dilemma.”

Oh no, Maura thought. From that look in Jane’s eyes, she knew there would be no resisting the inevitable. Whether she liked it or not, Jane was going to be bringing the ratty couch and unnecessary mattress with her. Bass would just have to accept it.

Maura loved the tortoise with all of her heart, but her love for Jane was on a whole different plane.

“I’m sure you’ll find a solution,” she purred, backing away from the brunette and into the wall.

“You know me far too well,” Jane muttered excitedly, finally reaching Maura.

Maura had been right. Two weeks later she found herself at home sharing a pint of Ben and Jerry’s with Jane on that very same old ratty couch. Fighting with Jane was futile.


End file.
